My Mother is Trying My Patience

She's meddling in my sister and her husband's marriage and their careers.  She means well, but they don't want help, and I'm afraid this is driving her and her daughter apart, and me as well.  I don't want this to happen, but I can't stand the stress.   I'm afraid my mother, at age 63, is losing her mind and going nuts.  Even my brother mentioned this while he was undergoing chemo; he's been dead since January '07.  She lost her other son, my brother, to cancer when he was only 40 years old, and is now dealing with her daughter's, my sister's, MS at age 30.  It is a lot to deal with, and I'm trying to be supportive as well, but even my sister herself is trying to focus on getting better...and my mother is not helping by obsessing about the problem and intervening.   I'm distracting myself by hanging out with other (more fun, less stressed) people, work and exercise; it sucks that I can't even stand to hang out with my own damn family anymore, which is supposed to be the one place of safe haven on this crazy earth!  I'm beginning to understand why people become relationship junkies; because they lack relationships with their own families.  My mother has become an illness and stress junkie!  Anyone else have this kind of addiction?  An addiction to stress and discord?  We all like to feel human and belong to one another (and that's why I'm here at DS), but sometimes we need a break from each other's problems and need to ESCAPE, laugh and have a good time!  Even if this means being ALONE, which I am.  My mother cleans houses for elderly people and she's always talking about someone's illness or vice.  I get so sick of it and I have to tell her "Mom!  Let's relax and laugh about something like we used to!", but, of course, I don't feel very funny myself at times and don't know what the hell to talk about.   I don't know what to do except to suggest sedatives or therapy, which she won't do.  I'm ready for sedatives or therapy myself LOL.  I don't usually touch alcohol, but I find myself going through a half-bottle of wine at night maybe once a week these days.  My mom's pretty touch, and is a nourishing, wonderful soul.  I love her.  This is how she copes with adversity in her life, by externalizing her problems and unleashing her emotions on the rest of us, stressing us all out.  Maybe, in a cathartic way, she avoids her own pain by focusing on others'...!  I don't mind facing my pain (and I still miss my brother); I just want to cry and release it; I don't want to DWELL on it (or others' pain) 24/7.  My dad (who is much more laid-back, like me) and I are in agreement; unfortunately he's the one who has to live with her.  He's become a lot more short-tempered these days.  I'm concerned, at age 65, about his rising blood-pressure. Oh, well...getting back to work...looking forward to another great couple of bike-rides this week with those whacky, fun people.  It's raining now, soothing to my nerves...hopefully it won't rain on our parade (bike ride) later in the week.