My Mother Increasingly Difficult to Deal With
She means well. She gives a lot...then demands a lot. In her quest for eventual sainthood, she's come to the conclusion that life on this planet has to suck and be one of perpetual pain and suffering in order to be a transitional phase to earn our stripes on the Other Side. While I see where she's coming from, I think she's missing the boat, in that she seems to think that life here has to be completely miserable to please God, to the chagrin of any and all pleasure, not necessarily meaning sex, but simple pleasures such as enjoying a beautiful sunset, feeling a cool breeze and otherwise appreciating precious moments here on earth that are so magical and so God-given. Instead, she's fixated on death and suffering as the only way. I think God will be rather perplexed and disappinted in her for not enjoying His creation, His beautiful Earth, here, more. I really hope I'm not misunderstanding my mother on this point, but her fixation on the worst-case scenario, death and suffering, is rather wearing. Granted, she's got a lot of it to deal with, my brother, her aging customers, her daughter, her parents and now her daughter-in-law, who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, perhaps myself. But I refuse to accept pain and suffering as the way, and always look to a brighter tomorrow! Simply retraining the mind is greatly beneficial, in overcoming illness, being bright and cheerful and simply being happy. I long for a relationship that is one of cool, tranquil relaxation and intellectual stimulation that goes beyond narrow dogma.
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It may be she feels a bit overwhelmed and it is beyond her control to do much about it. Is her \'love tank\' on full? When we get too low we have a hard time focusing on the positive in our lives. Sending you the best of thoughts and gentle ((hugs)) Patricia
Thanks, Patty. She gives and gives and gives...and loves it...but sometimes she simply doesn\'t know how to relax, smell the roses, take a little bit. So she\'s always on \"on\", hard-driving, pushy, overbearing. Means well but stresses me out.
Yes, people with that personality type are a bit stressful. Does she know how you feel about it? Is she aware?
Hi, yes, I totally agree with all of you. Giving, giving, giving, we all do and it gets too be to the point of where we or she, your Mom, has been so busy giving to everyone else she forgets to give to herself. And she probably won\'t admit to it as she is trying to be strong and positive for everyone and then there\'s none left for her. So you might need to be strong and positive for her now too, it rubs off when someone shows you to be positive again and if she won\'t do anything for herself because she\'s become so down with everyone\'s problems, take her somewhere she really likes to go, tell her it will make you happy and in the end it will please both of you. Hope this helps. And one last thing, once she gets down is when she needs to be selfish and give to herself. She can\'t give anymore luv to anyone else until she gives some to her self. Good luck, be strong. I\'ve been there.
SadTime: Yes, she knows. Her response is: \"You have no idea how much work it was to raise all you kids!\" In which case, I can only feel guilty.
I treated her to lunch. It helped.
Now there is a person with some resentment issues. Protect yourself and also be gentle with yourself. It was work for her to raise her children but it was her job. Children do not ask to be born so you have no place to feel ANY quilt. Just keep loving her but do not allow any neglect, abuse or mistreatment from ANYONE. ((hugs)) Patricia
Thanks, Patty. I think my mother has completely lost it and gone nuts. Considering what she\'s endured these past few years (her other son dead of cancer, her daughter grappling with MS, her daughter-in-law now diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer, her elderly customers getting sick and dying), it\'s understandable that she\'s nuts, but it\'s become unbearable.. I keep telling her that she needs to balance herself out by hanging out with healthy young people, even little kids. She doesn\'t seem to have or make the time. I can\'t stand to be around her anymore. She\'s just so overbearing. Thankfully, my dad and I have bonded and become buddies! He\'s a bit OCD too, but more laid-back about it.