my mother did not acknowledge my christmas gift
about a two months ago i started looking for my mother's christmas gift. i saw two pieces of jewelry in cartier, but a month ago i saw a bag in cole haan that made me think of her. it reminded me of her leather coats she had when i was a child. i even walked around the mall to see if anything stuck out before i purchased the bag. i came back to the bag with this tickle in me that said get it. i was real excited about the gift. i sent the gift home from where i am from. i wasn't sure if i could make it home for christmas. i didn't make it. i had my family gift wrap it and give it to her at a family christmas brunch. my aunt told her how beautiful the bag was and my mother replied: he knows his mother. i called up to my family to say hi for christmas. i spoke to several family members before i got to my mother. from the tone in her voice and certain words i got the feeling she was upset that i spoke with others before i got to her. she never acknowledge the bag - at all. she said nothing about it. it crushed me. i cried for a minute and then said i was not going to let her do this to me. i vented to some friends and my aunt. i did what i had planned for christmas. i decided not to call her that evening because i did not want to put up with her stuff. you know, i really believe my mother has twisted my abuse into an attack on her has a mother. i think she sees it as me saying she wasn't a good mother. i never blamed her for not protecting me. she doesn't talk to me about the abuse or my therapy. i hot, but i'm not going to let her get to me. i can't do it. this is not about her, this is about me.
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