My Miscarriage

Last Monday marked my 12th week of pregnancy.  I just started telling everyone that I was expecting my second bundle of joy after my first ultrasound at 8 1/2 weeks.  Last Monday I was getting ready to leave for our family vacation.  One last stop to the restroom before we hit the road led to a devistating discovery.  Red Blood!!!  I had mild craming all day, I just thought my uterus was stretching... I remember having mild cramps with my first child.  I called the doctor as soon as I could, they had me come in for an emergency ultra sound... I knew in my heart what I was about to find out.  No heartbeat, No movement, No sounds of that precious 170 beat heart that I had heard just 3 1/2 weeks ago.  They measured my baby at 9 1/2 weeks.  I had no idea for the past 2 1/2 weeks I was carring a baby with no life.  I had been extremely sick with this baby, much sicker than with my first.  It started right at 6 weeks and had me out until week 10 1/2... then one morning I woke up and felt like a new woman, I wasn't sick anymore.  I had myself convinced that the doctors had messed up on my due date and I had to be entering my second trimester...  I have read that the first symptom of a missed miscarriage is losing the sickness, soreness of the breast and being tired anymore...  I feel so silly now, I should have known.  I was scheduled for a D & C for 11am the next morning.  Little did I know that my body wanted that little baby out of my body before then.  I went to bed and all was normal, then around 12:30am it all started, cramps and heavy bleeding.  I knew what was about to happen, but I didn't know.  It had to be the hardest night of my life.  I thought I was going to bleed to death by 2:30am... I called the hospital, couldn't get in touch with my doctors, they told me I would have to come in to the Emergency Room to get any help.  This wasn't an option for me at this time.  I was not going to wake up my 1 1/2 year old son and have him brought to the hospital with my husband and I.  My entire family had already left for vacation before this had all happened.  I didn't feel right calling any of my friends, it was 2:30 in the morning and I live at least 20 minutes away from everyone and 35 minutes away from the  hospital...  I finally had decided to just drive myself to the hospital.  I got up, got dressed and headed for the door... one serious cramp lead me to the bathroom.  I passed my baby 10 minutes later.  God was with me this night.  I don't know how I could have gotten through it without him and my Mom who was on the phone with me the entire evening.  But now I have so many different emotions, I need to talk about it with people who know what I am going through.  I did a search for a group to join and found this website...