My mind wanders

My mind has been wandering alot today do far.  Was driving to a meeting in town and saw that there were 2 extra vehicles outside of his house.  The first thought was, they are having an orgy.  She brought over friends so they can all have sex together.  Then I tried to tell myslef that he wasn't involved and that they were there when he got home and he didn't do anything with the.  Jay got me thinking last night that Spanky is looking for his inner homosexual side by being with her.  Ugh! Don't want to think it!! The sex is too damn amazing with him to think that he would be giving it to some guy!!! PUKE!!  I want to be with him and be in his bed having sex for the rest of OUR lives.  Not him and anyone that he pleases.  And he does DEFINATELY please.  OMG!!  I don't want to have sex with anyone else after him.  Anyway, went to the high school for my meeting and I started thinking that "SPanky has been in the auditorium many times during high school".. I started thinking of his presence there.  That led me to thinking about the first time that I kissed him and we made out all night.  Then though about the first time we made love to eachother.  Why do I do this to myself?  They are WONDERFUL memories and I never want to lose them.  I just want to be back in his arms. It's that important to me.  Can I ever have him and it back?  Spank- I love you baby.  You are definately the man that I long to be with for the rest of our lives together.  We belong together and we are so good together.  No man can ever take your place.  I'm dying for you to come back to me and we can talk and start over.  Eventually you will have feelings for me again if you don't still have them.  I know that's one reason you got scared.  I can't forget you that easily.  You and I are meant for eachother.  You are going to fall apart if you stay with her and will I ever get you back completely again or will you be guarded.  Do you ever think about me or ask anyone about me?  Will you ever know whan I have gotten better and am ready to strat again with you?  Do you ever miss me like I do you?  Baby- i'm sick thinking that you are doing ungodly things in that house with her and her friends.  Orgies or submissive sex, drugs, etc.  Baby, I want to take you away from that.  You need a stable life not some fly by your ass daily party brothel.  Do you realize that?  Why did you show me your loving side and then take it away from me, knowing that I will long for it and drive myself insane missing you.  Will you ever speak to me again?  My heart hurts for you and wants to be with yours again.  I miss your heartbeat, your eyes, your beautiful lips, your strong arms, your sexy voice and the entire package that you come in!!  Make this pain end and come back into my life soon- the sooner the better for the both of us!