My mind is playing with me
I can't believe I'm entertaining or fantasizing about possibly reconciling with him. wtf? Yuck. I find myself missing him and wanting to talk to him after I felt the opposite just last week. I had limited contact and it was formal and to the point. i have been trying to process him leaving and what not. I hope I'll get back to where I was. I feel vulnerable, so for now, I've blocked his number. He really hurt me. I need to remember that. Plus I felt alone and neglected in our marriage. Not to mention he strayed in the end. I feel lonely, but I really don't need to be thinking about him in a good light. stop it!! My mind is messing with me.
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I can understand all of the mixed emotions. Three weeks ago, I felt the bond between us and couldn\'t bear him leaving my life.
But once I grounded myself, I realized that he wasn\'t changing his behavior at all, and that in fact he was being a jerk without consideration of my feelings. It was just my heart remembering all of the good times and being afraid of being alone.
Could you talk with him about reconciliation? What would you say or ask for? Using an individual therapist helps you work out your side, and if you are still dedicated to the idea of reconciliation, ask him to join you with a couple\'s therapist to get in alignment with each other.
I think one of the key thoughts here is this: He really hurt me...... How come that is ok for them to do that, it\'s not. They messed up, they left, all of these things are not ok. This is something my heart seems to forget when I think about the possibility of him coming back into my life. My head knows it but to see it in print today (in your journal) was kind of a aha moment for me. Thank you for posting that, I really needed that today. Remember this is an up and down journey and we will have many emotions to sort thru. Hang in there my friend, you\'re doing amazing!!!!!
We all know way too well that feeling. It really does mess with your head, but it is so normal to have mixed emotions. I will be singing \"I am woman hear me roar\" one week, then the next week I am thinking I can never be without him and our bond was so strong, and it doesn\'t matter what the expense, I want him back. Well, maybe my bond was so strong..but not his. The mind plays tricks on us. When I come out of La-La land bubble I think of all the crappy things he did and said..and I think that a man that truly loved me the way I know I deserve would never do those things. ..so whatever the reason is that he did them..it doesn\'t matter. In the end, if it was working well..it would still be here and we deserve a life where love works well and doesn\'t hurt.
Hang in there..it IS a roller coaster.
Thanks for the feedback and support friends. I\'m kinda relieved to know it\'s normal. My head knows that\'s a no no for sure!! I just need to get adjusted to this new change and trust I\'ll bounce back like I\'ve been doing so far. I\'m glad my post was helpful to u yougospam :) we just have to keep chugging along.