My mind

I just want to move on with my life. I feel like I wasted all these years on this man. He will never love me or treat me the way I deserve. What am I doing to myself when clearly all the signs are there. I want happiness and to just get me together yet I want love. I'm at the point where I'm questioning my own love for me. To continue to deal with the things I do so how could I love myself genuinely. What would happen if I did divorce? Will I mess that up if i got with someone New? I'm screwed up. I have trust issues. Will I ever trust again? This is the second long term relationship but first marriage. Will I ever love again? Will he do the same thing? Do i really want to go through that again?