My memory lapses,where do I go?

Good morning journal,the time is 8:35am,I have been awake since 5:50am,but have been content to sit in my armchair before coming here.This morning,my breathing is a bit labored,my chest is tight,and I am sweating a little although the temperatures outside are just a tad above freezing.I remain positive,despite our financial circumstances,because I know if I lie down,I will not get up again.I don't talk about my wife a great deal,at the moment,she is asleep in our bedroom,surrounded as usual,by our three canine children,cocooned in their protective love,mirrored by my own gratitude,and adoration,for the woman who was,and remains,my very heartbeat,and the reason that I still cling to a life that I have no desire to live.I cannot put into words,the importance this lady plays in my life,I know sometimes she gets angry with me,I know that sometimes I can be a hard man to live with,and even harder to love,but always,always,at the end of every day,she is there,loyal,loving,and strong when I am weak,my wife,my friend,my rock.I have become concerned by my gaps in memory during my waking hours,I simply lose parts of my day when I cannot remember what I have done or said,it worries me greatly,I know I've been awake because my wife has said so,so where do I go?. I must function in some familiar way,I just don't remember doing so,then I "wake up",so to speak,and I am me again.Can a person suffer amnesia without being aware of it?,it confuses me and makes me feel helpless,how can I fight a memory I can't remember?;I lose hours of my life at a time,and when I am me again,I feel old and very weak.Physically,I am very frail this morning,so I will leave it for now journal,I must rest,so until tomorrow,peace be with us.