my marital breakup now days

so how am I doin' nowdays with my breakup?  I guess I have come partly to the point wher I don't want her back.  early after our breakup I felt guilty for the things I did wrong but felt there were things that she could have done different as well. lately I have felt that if we did get back together I just would not be able to trust her any more than she can trust me right now.  The funny thing is that I have a gal pal Val at work who says I am one of the few people she trusts, so obviously I am trustworthy and I've made a few mistakes with my OCDS, but hey there's people who have it worse than me who, like, are hoarders and stuff which I don't do. Throw the stuff out that's my saying, I don't hoard the stuff. If it's laying around it's becasue I'm too lazy to throw it out and that's all. Anyway, these people are married and have supportive spouses and if my wife is not willing to see me through the rough times then she's not worth having around.  maybe I can even do better than her.  After all, our marital vows said "for better or worse, richer or poorer"  well,  having OCDs would qualify as for better or worse, right?
anyway now I can manage my finances the way I thnk they should be managed and not worry that she will be running up the debts high that I gotta cover her butt when she gets in trouble.....  That's kinda the way I like it...
The funny thing is when I think about it years before my breakup I was lookin' at other women and the qualities I like over her.  my friend Val is a good payer-upper with her bills and keeps them up to date and I thought "it'd be cool to have someone like that."  I'd would be willing to work wtih my wife on this or anything else......  but she doesn't wanna concede anything to me.
what sucks is that I have Josh every day with no help and she only occasionally sees him.... which sucks...... I sometimes feel mad at her for putting Josh in such a situation... she will have him Easter Thursday through Easter Saturday though so I guess take what you can get......  but I know he would love to see his mom everyday.
at least I don't cry anymore.  weekends can be a little loney thouhg 'cause Im' used to doin' family stuff with her.