My little "hugs vase".
This morning I took a beautiful little vase, ( about 4 inches tall), and made it my Hugs Vase. All the hugs, love, prayers and caring I receive, go into my Hug Vase. Others may only see an empty little vase, but to me this precious vase is full of pure love and support from people who honestly care! Whenever I feel alone and lost in this new world I'm in, I just look at my Hug Vase, and know that I am not alone! It is something to hold onto, especially as the phone calls and visits dry up.
I'm going to visit my son and his half-brother for a while. They are such lovely young men! But I feel anxious about going away from my home. I can still feel Colleen here, and going away feels like I'm abandoning her. My emotions make no sense, and my mind can not think logical. But that is o.k. My world, as I knew it for the past 22 years, is no more. My thoughts and emotions are like separate pieces of a huge puzzle, and I don't have a picture of what the puzzle must look like, so I don't know where the different pieces belong, or how they fit together. I guess this is what this journey is all about: building this huge puzzle, one piece at a time. I have just started, and everything is still so overwhelming and up-side-down! I have time, I have the rest of my life to build it into a beautiful artwork, that will show all the beauty and uniqueness of Colleen's precious little life on earth! I feel so honored that I could be her mom!
I'm going to visit my son and his half-brother for a while. They are such lovely young men! But I feel anxious about going away from my home. I can still feel Colleen here, and going away feels like I'm abandoning her. My emotions make no sense, and my mind can not think logical. But that is o.k. My world, as I knew it for the past 22 years, is no more. My thoughts and emotions are like separate pieces of a huge puzzle, and I don't have a picture of what the puzzle must look like, so I don't know where the different pieces belong, or how they fit together. I guess this is what this journey is all about: building this huge puzzle, one piece at a time. I have just started, and everything is still so overwhelming and up-side-down! I have time, I have the rest of my life to build it into a beautiful artwork, that will show all the beauty and uniqueness of Colleen's precious little life on earth! I feel so honored that I could be her mom!
Replies
One baby step at a time, or if that is too much think of an inchworm step. Colleen is with you wherever you go. She is in your heart and always will be there. I am here for you my friend. Together we will design an amazing puzzle, for our sweet angels! Hugs and more hugs!
I love your idea of the Hugs Vase. Looking at the Vase will help you not feel so alone. Losing a child is almost \"all encompassing,\" trying to put all the pieces together. Your job of caring for her all these years has come to a tragic end. At this point in your life you are wondering what to do, everything has changed.
I felt Josh in this house too soon after he died and sometimes I wonder when I sense him here now if it is imaginary or real. You just have to go with your gut feelings whether you want to leave your home yet. You and Colleen were a blessing to each other.
Somehow minute by minute, day by day we get through with God\'s help.
Much love,
Leda
I love the idea of the Hug Vase. I know it\'ll be overflowing in no time.
Moving on with your life is a very important step to take, but do so at your own pace. In my case with the loss of my wife in January, I moved on rapidly because that is what she told me/wanted me to do. I know for others, it takes considerable time and effort. Your sense that Colleen is still close by is a great feeling isn\'t it? As an angel now, I\'m sure she is just checking on you to ensure you are OK, and will do so for some time. As time goes by and you do slowly move on, that sense will probably diminish some, but I bet it will always be there in some manner.
Going to visit your son and his half brother is a good idea. It\'s a step out of the house, and at the same time you will be with family that cares for you deeply. As others said, take steps at your own pace to move on. I know from experience too, once in a while there\'ll be a couple of steps backwards, but that is natural and you\'ll overcome them.
Know you are not alone.
Hugs, Dan
Baby steps!!!!!!! The Hug vase is a beautiful idea
Put this (((((HUG))))) in it from me.
Much love and many Hugs
Doris
I love this idea of a hug vase!!! I SO get it!!!
It took me almost a year to truly understand in my soul that my living, moving forward in my life, in NO way left Kala behind. But boy, that\'s a tough one to learn!
It was actually Kala herself who taught me this lesson. You see, her accident was on Jan 2, 2007.....I spent the whole year saying this was my first whatever....birthday, 4th of July, Mother\'s Day, etc....without her. Then around Thanksgiving she spoke to my heart these words I will never forget....\"mom, why do you keep uninviting me to everything\".....I had never thought about how my words of \"without my daughter\" was to her the same as not inviting her to join me in my life. It was truly an AHA moment for me. I have never once, since that day, said \"without my daughter\". NO, it\'s not the way I want it....I want her physical body with me....but I CAN and I DO live WITH my daughter being very present in my life. Every time I start to go somewhere I say, \"come on Kala, let\'s go XXX\"...and I know that I know, she goes with me.
So please sweet friend, work through your feelings of abandoning Colleen as best you can...because in truth, you take Colleen with you everywhere you go!
Thinking of you and sending lots of love energy to you and your sweet Colleen!
What a lovely idea to have this hug vase! Whatever it takes that feels meaningful and is healing is what it\'s all about. :)
I remember too when I realized that in many ways my Douglas was closer to me than ever because even though I did not have his physical presence with me he was always tucked safely away in my mother\'s heart. It\'s a work in progress for me indeed.
I hope your time away will bring some pockets full of peace and yes, as Teri, said all the children were honored at our retreat and Colleen was certainly among them.
Safe travels and let us know how this unfolds for you when you are able.
Heartfelt (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel so useless with words. I love your hugs vase idea. I was deeply moved and humbled by your words.
My heart goes out to you and I am thinking of you.
hugs