My Life with Diabetes for 12 years

I was diagnosed when I was 10. It was March 5, 2004 at 10:35 am. When I arrived at the hospital, I looked like a mummy. At the time, I was terrified of needles(irrational fears) and even in my weak state, it took 4 adults to hold me down to get a blood sample from me. I didn't know it at the time, but everything in my body was shutting down because my glucose level was 1500! The doctors were absolutely stunned that I was even conscience, let alone walking around (I had gone to the store). We knew that type 2 diabetes was in the family (on my mothers side) but the doctors told us that type one diabetes is mostly hereditary. After eventually getting ahold of my fathers parents, they informed us that my father had a great-aunt had died in a coma from type one diabetes. Talk about a bomb drop! I was in the hospital by myself for 5 days, reading the children's books on diabetes that the nurses gave me. I spoke with a nutritionist (all she did was scare me, I was too young to understand). I was the ONLY child at the hospital. When I started to feel better, I was bored out of my mind! It was the worse (almost week) of my life. When we got back to our home in Texas (we had been in my hometown, working on the house to sell it, I grew up in Nebraska), I was put in a room with a diabetes educator and my mother at my Middle school for 6 hours and had to cram all of the information on diabetes into my head. It was hard at first, I checked my blood sugar in the office at school, kids asked me if I was "Contagious". I got a lot of sympathetic looks. Some people assumed that I had type 2 diabetes because I was a large child. My sugars were fairly normal, with the occasional low. I remember needing the secretary in the office to call my mother because my blood sugar was so low that I couldn't read the screen of my meter (it was 29, btw). My life was like that for 2 years. We had moved back to Nebraska and I FINALLY was given a referral to an endocrinologist. He was an older man and at first, he was helpful. But when my numbers started to go into the 180-200 range (my goal was 70-150), he got mean. I was 12 years old and he kept telling me that I wasn't doing enough, that my efforts weren't good enough. After that, I dropped him (with the help of my parents) as my endocrinologist. Ever since then, I've had terrible control of my diabetes. My blood sugars were so bad that when I went to my primary doctor and he did my Hemoglobin A1C, he told me that he was going to give me a referral for an insulin pump to help me get control. (The doctor who had diagnosed me told me that only people who had control of their diabetes could use them). I have since then discovered that although this is somewhat true, insulin pumps are also used to help people who need a little help with their diabetes. I had an appointment and met with the nurse who was supposed to help with the insulin pump when I got it. We met and she explained what the pump did, what I was going to need to do to use it, and told me that we would meet again when I received the pump. When I finally got it, I called her again, only to find out that she had quit the job and left no information on how to reach her. So, I was left with a pump that I couldn't use and no idea who to talk to about getting it set up to use it. Now, I'm 21 years old, going on 22. I have had DKA so many times just in the past 2-3 years, the doctors are surprised that I lived through it. I'm having difficulty remembering to check my blood sugar when I'm supposed to and take my medication when I'm supposed to. I'm tired of being like this and I have no idea how to convey what I am feeling and going through. If anyone has any advice or can help me, I would really appreciate it.