MY LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW!

And I don't know what to do...I have all sorts of gigantic problems that are not easily resolved and I can't even bring myself to ask for help...I don't know wny, I just can't ask for help when I need it...
I never have been able...I can ask for help for other people, but for myself I can't do it...I feel like such a failure to have to ask for help!!!
I am physically, mentally, and emotionally drained and I can't ask for help...I've have to take meds for all sorts of calamaties and apparently more are on the way and I just don't care I just want to fucking die!!!...I really do...but I can't
I went to see my therapist yesterday, and of course she asked me that dreaded question...is there a plan to hurt yourself...and of course I answered no...but the truth is there is a plan...there has been a plan for about a year...but I have no means of carrying it out....and then the other night the plan got more developed...but still I have no means of carrying it out...so no, there is no plan right?
I just drafted an email to two ministers asking for help with a legal issue I have...and I read it, re-read, and re-wrote it until it is perfect....but I can't send it....I have such a hard time asking for help that I can't even press a button to send out an email asking for help...
GOD!,,,what the hell do I do?