My life seems to not be my own

I want to reclaim it but I do not know how to do that.This seems to be the way it was meant to be. I give over those things for which I should have no control. Yet there are other things that should be my responsibility. I just want things to be more tranquil in my life. I want to be happy and do not know how to even begin feeling that way. Yet I also know my life is better than probably 80% of those in the world. I wish this depression was not such a big part of my life. I wish I was smarter and more capable. Why can't I be happy regardless of my circumstances? This is a question I should of found an answer to long ago. But as usual I am behind and trying to catch up. For now depression is winning. But that has been the case before. I am determined to survive this. I still have some fight left in me. Maybe winning this war against my negaticve self will bring happiness. Maybe fighting is not what I need to do. Maybe just existing and being grateful for my life is the best I will ever do. I just don't know ........