my life seems to being going down hill so fast

My life was going good for a while. In my past I went to jail several times and lived on the streets a few times. At 19 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Unfortunately God called her home just 16 short days after her birth. I tried several times over the last 10 years to kill myself. I divorced my husband because he abandoned me and I never heard from him again. I remarried 7 months ago. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. We were both going to church and he seemed to be what I needed in my life. Then arguments came, fights came, and then the drug addiction surfaced. Instead of seperating until something was done about it, I gave into peer pressure and temptation and began abusing prescription drugs. I feel so horrible about myself. I'm too ashamed to go ask for help or even talk to my Pastor. I'm afraid of the humiliation I will feel when/if other people find out what I do. To top things off, my husband and I have been growing apart from each other. We hardly make love anymore, maybe twice a month if I'm lucky. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I take care of his daughter and she means the world to me, but if he leaves me I don't know if I will be able to handle it. It would be like losing another child plus my husband. I feel so lost and alone. I have no one I can talk to or go to. No one understands or keeps it to themselves. I'm so lost :(