My Life\'s been a Mess Lately ! UGH !

I'm not sure where to start. First of all, My Knees have been so BAD over the Last Couple of Months, that I can barely get around in My Apartment without dealing with EXTREME PAIN ! It's an Awful feeling when You're only trying to get from the Living Room, and walk to the Bathroom, but You can barely move Your Legs because Your Knees are KILLING YOU SO MUCH ! I've started the Process for getting a Power Scooter Chair, so right now all I can do is wait for My Insurance Company to get back with My Doctor about Their Decision. But, that still leaves Me for now... kind of stuck... hardly able to Walk, or Stand... so I've had to depend on Others more than Ever for Help with basic things; like getting my Mail, taking My Garbage out, Cleaning My Apartment, Helping Me with My Laundry, and NOW - recently - even going to the Grocery Store has been TOO Difficult for Me !!!! I take Pain Medications, of course, but as soon as I need to Stand, or Walk, at all here in My Apartment... then it's like I hadn't taken anything for Pain at all ! The Pain Meds help a little as long as I'm doing NOTHING AT ALL, and just sitting around with My Feet Up ! My Parents do Their Best to be Helpful, but My Mom especially only ends up making Me feel even MORE depressed about it, since She always acts as if I DON'T HAVE A REAL LIFE right now because I'm in a LOT of PAIN ! It's hard to Explain, but it's like She sends out a " Vibe " that's saying... " You CAN'T Possibly be HAPPY AT ALL, since You're in so Much Pain ! " I guess it's just HER Way of showing Sympathy... I don't know. I can't really explain this to Her, because I'd be afraid I'd be hurting Her feelings, and I wouldn't want to do that. It's so frustrating, since I Love Her... and Yet, a lot of Time, being around Her causes Me to be even More Depressed than I already was. Well, Other than all of this..... My " Love Life " has been Very Mixed Up lately ! ... Thankfully I feel I'm definitely PAST Missing My Abusive EXBF in Any Way ! That's definitely a Good Thing, of course. The ONLY Problem that's still related to My EXBF has been the " Flash Backs " of the Terrible Times I've had with Him ! I have " Flash Backs " some times of situations where He's Physically Hurt Me, or Threatened to Hurt Me or My Family, Or Destroyed something of Mine during One of His Raging Fits, Or been TOO FORCEFUL in the Bedroom during supposedly " Intimate Moments " !!!!! .. These " Flash Backs " are VERY Hurtful, and feel like a Sudden Knife STABBING ME right through My Heart, and Soul !!!! I Pray that They'll STOP in Time ! They only happen sometimes when I'm sitting... and it's Quiet here... and I'm doing really doing anything in particular... Maybe just Watching TV, OR Maybe sitting in the Kitchen waiting on Something to Finish Cooking in the Microwave. That's when it'll Sneak into My Thoughts... and Fill My Mind like a Sudden Dark Storm flooding Me... Heart and Soul !! Anyhow.... I sort of Have a NEW BF now... I guess.. LOL... I say, " I Guess ", because I'm not so sure about Him. He's been PUSHING Things TOO FAST for Me, and I keep telling Him that I need Things to go MUCH SLOWER !!!!! .. Yet, as much as I keep reminding Him that Things need to procede Very Slowly between Him and I, He'll still sometimes talk about " OUR FUTURE TOGETHER " as IF it's already a CERTAINTY !!!! I don't like that !.... I won't be PUSHED into ANYTHING... NOT AFTER EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH WITH MY EXBF !!!! I've ONLY been seeing this Guy now for about 2 and a Half WEEKS, BUT after ONLY the FIRST Few Times We were Together... He ALREADY SAID THAT HE LOVES ME !!!!!! That's WAY TOO SOON, and I told Him that I think it's Way Too Soon. His ONLY Reply is that " He Believes in LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT " ! ... Well, I don't ! .... I told Him that I USED TO, but NOT NOW ! ... I don't even KNOW Him completely yet. We had a Very Brief Fling about 2 Years Ago - basically a One Night Stand.. LOL - and Now We're seeing Each Other on a Regular Basis.... BUT I think He's got the WRONG Impression ! I wonder IF He's assuming that because We had that ONE Night Thing a couple of Years Ago, that that counts towards " Knowing Each Other ", and counts towards the Progress of where... IF ANYWHERE ... Our Relationship is going !... Honestly I don't see Him and I going ANYWHERE !!!! ... But, I don't want to Hurt His Feelings right now, by saying that to Him BLUNTLY ! .. I think I will HAVE TO, eventually though. Especially since My TRUE HEART'S DESIRE is ANOTHER MAN... One that Lives in MAINE ! The One that Lives in MAINE I've known for 3 - 4 Years Now ! We know EVERYTHING about Each Other... We Know Each Other IN AND OUT !!!!.... and I feel that the " MAINE GUY " and I are MEANT TO BE TOGETHER !!!! .. I Love Him Very Much ! .. and I want Him in My Life. He's said that He LOVES ME TOO, and there's NO WAY that I would EVER WANT to Lose My Connection with Him ! So right now, I'm afraid of Screwing Up what I have - and what I POSSIBLY COULD HAVE - with the MAINE GUY, by allowing this New Guy to call Me His GF ! The Bottom Line to ALL of this is... this New Guy that lives here in Florida gives Me what I NEVER had with My Abusive EXBF ! He gives Me the Affection, Touching, and Romance, that I haven't Had in YEARS !!!!! So is it WRONG that I've REACTED to that ???? HOW CAN I HELP IT ???? My Body Reacts to it, and Yet... My Heart stays Distant... still Thinking, and Wanting, the GUY IN MAINE !!!! Does this ALL make Me a BAD PERSON ! ... HOW CAN I HELP BUT REACT TO SOMEONE THAT'S HERE... AND SO WILLING TO GIVE ME SOMETHING I HAVEN'T HAD IN YEARS ??????.... BUT, What this GUY Here isn't seeing right now, is that a Chemical Attraction / LUST , is NOT TRUE LOVE !!!! Between Myself, and the GUY IN MAINE, We share a Connection that goes WAY BEYOND the " Chemical ", and is about So MUCH MORE !!!! I have so MUCH in Common with the GUY IN MAINE, BUT NOT with this GUY that lives Here in Florida. When the ONLY Thing You have in Common with Someone is that You BOTH enjoy Touching, Kissing, and Other Romantic Things like that.... THAT'S NOT a True, and GOOD REASON to Start a Real Relationship... It's NOT ENOUGH to build a Good Foundation for a True Loving Relationship !.... LUST can easily Burn Itself OUT... and FADE Over Time... BUT TRUE LOVE... A TRUE CONNECTION OF THE HEART AND SOUL... WILL NEVER BURN OUT.. NEVER !