my life in the twilight zone
it seems my life is like a never ending episode of the twilight zone in black and white. or maybe the outer limits where they told you not to attempt to fix your television "we control the horizontal...we control the vertical" ha ha showing my age. this is me: by day , the calm, in control, competent, compassionate and wisdom filled school nurse ....... by night : the crazed, suspicious, anxiety filled, panic stricken, sometimes out of control codependent wife of a relapsed alcoholic (current drug of choice). for a few months it looked like he was going to finally stay committed to his recovery, then a series of bad choices lead to this return to his very first love VODKA.
Many, many thanks to my wonderful sons, my wise therapist, the folks at al-anon and my friends at DS for all the love, support, education, and reality checks....... i ,of course, started with my usual angry response when suspicions were confirmed, but stopped, removed myself, got halfway up the steps, and realized what HAD to be done. so i went right back down and told him to just pack his bags and leave. that if he wanted relationship/family with me he needed to fix this. i would give him six month, then i would reconsider and/or file for divorce. i realized immediately the feeling of calm, or correctness just beneath the usual emotions. i am sure hubby felt it too because he was stunned. END OF CONVERSATION.
well, i get home from work yesterday, he says he spent the day researching alcoholism and thinks he most certainly is one. (no shit sherlock! it only took approx 20 years to figure that out?) okay being nicer now. then he called the AA hotline, spoke with a counselor and she found him a meeting in our town for this morning. Then he called his therapist, had a telephone session with him and has an appointment at 4 this afternoon. this is HUGH for him.
for me however.... i am sticking to the plan. i will not kick him out of the house as he has no where to go and money is an issue, but he is to respect my wishes for a separateness. he is out of the bedroom, sleeping on the couch and may have the spare room if he cares to obtain a bed and fix it up for himself. he will get his act together and restart his share of the housekeeping responsibilities. he will go back on his anti-depressant/anxiety meds. he will work for sobriety with purpose and mindfulness and he will NOT stop therapy FOR ANY REASON.he needs to know he is doing this for HIMSELF and not for me.
as always one step at a time.... still loving the kids behavior sticker chart in my head!! and filling up my social calendar to make sure i have a life i choose for myself.
Many, many thanks to my wonderful sons, my wise therapist, the folks at al-anon and my friends at DS for all the love, support, education, and reality checks....... i ,of course, started with my usual angry response when suspicions were confirmed, but stopped, removed myself, got halfway up the steps, and realized what HAD to be done. so i went right back down and told him to just pack his bags and leave. that if he wanted relationship/family with me he needed to fix this. i would give him six month, then i would reconsider and/or file for divorce. i realized immediately the feeling of calm, or correctness just beneath the usual emotions. i am sure hubby felt it too because he was stunned. END OF CONVERSATION.
well, i get home from work yesterday, he says he spent the day researching alcoholism and thinks he most certainly is one. (no shit sherlock! it only took approx 20 years to figure that out?) okay being nicer now. then he called the AA hotline, spoke with a counselor and she found him a meeting in our town for this morning. Then he called his therapist, had a telephone session with him and has an appointment at 4 this afternoon. this is HUGH for him.
for me however.... i am sticking to the plan. i will not kick him out of the house as he has no where to go and money is an issue, but he is to respect my wishes for a separateness. he is out of the bedroom, sleeping on the couch and may have the spare room if he cares to obtain a bed and fix it up for himself. he will get his act together and restart his share of the housekeeping responsibilities. he will go back on his anti-depressant/anxiety meds. he will work for sobriety with purpose and mindfulness and he will NOT stop therapy FOR ANY REASON.he needs to know he is doing this for HIMSELF and not for me.
as always one step at a time.... still loving the kids behavior sticker chart in my head!! and filling up my social calendar to make sure i have a life i choose for myself.
Replies
So glad you are clear about your needs. Taking care of ourselves is so important so I thank you for the reminder!
Yes, we will never know when someone actually wants help for themselves. So just keep doing what you need to do for you and trust HP for the rest.
HUGS
I\'m glad the boundaries and shock got some action. I am hopeful for you, either way, that this will lead to better things. I can tell you want the best for him and the things he did yesterday are some great steps. I hope that home-you starts getting to live more like school-you (\"calm, in control, competent, compassionate and wisdom filled\"). :-)