MY LIFE HATES ME!!!!!!!
I swear EVERY SINGLE TIME things start to go well, great even and I can actually say I am a happy my life goes to hell. Things were finally going well. The thing making it so good was Devon..... I told my mom today and she exploded. I expected her to be happy for me but no! She go mad because apparently I need her permission to have a boy friend. She told me imidatly that I needed to break up with him. I am SOOOOOO mad and upset. I made myself throw up and intentional scratched up my wrist. (Goody that scars from cutting were just beginning to heal.)
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I don\'t know you and may be way way off base, but I think that things seem worse to you now than they really are, because you feel so disappointed that something so good went downhill. I think pain feels that much worse when you\'ve had a good stretch. People say \"keep it in perspective\" but to me that means being in the present and dealing with what\'s in front of you, not comparing to the past or being anxious about the future. Sometimes the present moment sucks shit. I know I don\'t have to tell you that. People with mood disorders get stuck in the past and future; they let bad memories or anticipations spoil the joy they could be having, or they dig themselves an even deeper hole by craving all of the wonderful things they\'ve had, forgetting that good times WILL come again. I\'m realizing this because my internal script is getting to be so different. I\'m saying either \"this sucks but I\'ll deal with it\" or \"this is wonderful, thank God(dess)!\" -- instead of \"my life sucks and always will\" and \"my life doesn\'t suck right now, but later on it will.\" I used to feel like I am ALWAYS depressed, and all those times I thought I was happy, I was just fooling myself. Honestly, I\'m not that good at fooling anybody much less myself. My depressions are deep but people love my smile. I bet a few bucks the same can be said about you. I hope this helps a little and I hope everything goes great with Devon; I don\'t know what\'s up with your mom, she sounds pretty unreasonable. I wish you the very best.
Thank you soooooooo much. Sorry that I haven\'t gotten around to saying this. My mom hasn\'t said anything else so I\'m going to assume she is fine with it now. What you said about your script changing really helped and I am going to try to start applying that to my life. Really this is kinda and epiphany moment for me, thanks so much.