My Life Has Gone From Bad To Worse

Tuesday, August 05, 2008 – 4:50 P.M. Just when I thought life could not get much worse, it did. The best CNA I have helping me (Rachelle) has just taken a leave of absence because of a medical problem. A bone in her shoulder is dissolving, and there are bone chips “floating around” in her shoulder.   Additionally, another CNA who works with her in the mornings is moving to San Diego in September.  A third CNA, who helps me at bedtime, may be leaving at the end of the year.   After hearing all this during the morning, I swallowed a handful of pills (I was not trying to kill myself) and slept throughout the remainder of the morning, and part of the afternoon.   The staffing director (Lydia) called me this afternoon to let me know that she will be working with me four days a week at dinnertime. (She is known as “the hamburger woman,” because whenever she substitutes for Rachelle for my evening meal, she always brings me a cheeseburger and French fries.) Someone else will fill in on the remaining three days.   I am extremely upset at this turn of events (even though I had been thinking that Rachelle would have to quit helping me) because Rachelle and I have become friends and I am concerned about her health and well-being.  Rachelle called me about an hour ago, and said that Lydia told her that she could start helping me again once she is able to return to work. To be quite honest, I have some serious doubts that Rachelle will ever work again.   While trying to process all of this, I cannot help but feel that with up to three people leaving, I am on the verge of being abandoned one more time in my life. My life seems to be going from bad to worse. I cannot help but feel that I have somehow caused this to happen.   Quotes for Success: “Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”   Dr. Joyce Brothers