My Life as an Introvert

It's supposed won't become a huge problem whether you're an introvert or an extrovert.I think being an introvert isn't a negative thing,so is being an extrovert.Unfortunately,being an introvert is seen as a negative thing in my current environment.I can't seem to find any other introvert in my class (about 20 students),and this class is a permanent class for 3 years.So,no one gets me at all when it comes to being involved with events that need to socialize a lot.I do enjoy spend my time with a small group,people who I'm already comfortable with,or people who I already know well,simply with good friends.It's not that I don't welcome strangers or don't want to make friends.But really,being in a crowd or when I have to spend my time with a lot of people especially strangers,it really makes me exhausted.It takes so much energy from me.I force myself a lot to attend college events.But when I go there,I will just stay in the corner alone hoping that the event will be finished soon,busy with my phone to distract myself while other people are having fun with each other,taking pictures,etc.I always end up being left out.Of course,no one to blame because this is not their fault,and probably if there was someone to blame would be myself.I just don't think I can have fun with that way,but people always force me.I've tried to explain them for many times that I need to be alone sometimes,that it takes A LOT OF energy for me to do that,but they don't understand.Instead they dislike me more because they think I'm not very friendly and weird.They would often talk behind my back about how unsociable I am and that hurts me.As basically I don't really like getting involved in parties or social events,the feeling is getting even stronger because I can't get along well with the people here.I even feel more lonely whenever I get together with them.They make it obvious that being an introvert is negative for them.Like sometimes when they make a presentation they would describe an introvert negatively and make a conclusion that you have to be an extrovert,don't be an introvert.It's difficult for me to face extroverted environment,I feel so different from everyone here.I am also shy and awkward type,I don't make friends easily.I feel very self-conscious which leads me to speak so less with people who I don't know well.Many people have told me to stop being a quiet person.It makes me more awkward when people ask me "why are you so quiet?" and the most insensitive question is "can you even talk/you can't speak,can you?".I can tolerate the first question although I feel bad when someone asks that because I feel like being pointed at but I hate the second question a lot.I've been asked the same questions really often and even met the second question again yesterday.Like,really,I also have no idea what's wrong with me,because I was naturally born with this personality.I really hope that people will think first before they throw out a question which might hurt people.

Replies

booklover19
booklover19

It\'s sad that there are people who think the best way to act is just like them. I\'ve dealt with people like that before and been asked why I don\'t talk. Sometimes people don\'t understand that isn\'t the way to approach someone, but that doesn\'t mean that it\'s right. It\'s hard to socialize when you don\'t know that many people and you feel awkward and drained of energy. Depending on your surroundings, not many people understand that and this makes it hard when those people judge you for being different, but don\'t worry. There are still people out there who understand you and know what it\'s like to be an introvert. Being one isn\'t bad it\'s just how those around us deal with it. Those who you take your classes with just don\'t know how to deal and they refuse to. I understand how frustrating that can feel and it\'s awesome that you can make friends here on this site, but sometimes it\'s also nice to have friends that go to school with you. Don\'t give up!
veryintroverted
veryintroverted

They\'ve been discussed about something before and it\'s sad to hear in the end one of them said if you want to make some friends here, then you\'re the one who should follow us the majority. They won\'t bother to understand the other person because of the principle the minority is the one who should adapt with the majority. Well I don\'t try to change their opinions because everyone has their rights to have an opinion, but it\'s sad when they force their opinions on me. Especially when they try to grab my freedom rights such as tell me what to do when actually it\'s supposed to be my own choice. The hardest part is when people demand me to adapt. I can try to accept them and pretend to have fun, but it\'s difficult when we actually have really different habbits and I\'m the one who should always follow them. When they do something they think is right or fun, I feel so wrong, and so the opposite. For example is the hobby of gossiping behind somone\'s back but always pretend kind in front of the person and stab someone in the back. I can\'t stand fake friendship so I don\'t feel suitable. I think you can\'t force someone to be your best friend because the comfort when you build a friendship happens naturally without being forced. And I am who I am, I can\'t change myself for them. It seems that there\'s no way for me so I just try to survive for now. Thanks for listening me by the way!
ellowyne
ellowyne

I feel for you. I am a fellow introvert and was very lonely at school and bullied and used to come home to an abusive household. I struggle to make friends because I am not very good at small talk and after asking the person about themselves find we do not have that much in common anyway.
There seem to be a lot more extroverts about than shy people who love to talk about themselves but shy away from emotions. This has been my experience so far. I have a friend who says she is shy but is naturally good at speaking to complete strangers and I just clam up and feel awkward and embarrassed when she does this. I think it reminds me of how I was at school. So you have my sympathy.
Extroverts do not appreciate the sensitivity of a gentle shy soul and it is their loss. Not all extroverts are like this. There are many great caring ones out there. It is a shame that humans can behave like pack animals and want all to be alike and difference can scare them. Their problem, not yours.
Carry on being you. You have more guts to stick to your true self than maybe they do, who may be pretending to be more outgoing than they really are or feel. I am here if you feel like talking. Hang in there.
veryintroverted
veryintroverted

Hello,Ellowyne. I\'m sorry to hear what you\'ve been through, I hope it gets better now. I also have a good friend who always says she is shy, awkward, and introverted, but in fact that she is a lot of better at talking with strangers compared to me and she is good at public speaking. I know some extroverts are amazing human being as I also have some of wonderful extrovert friends. Just it\'s not really the best luck because right now I\'m in extroverts with low sensitivity and tolerance environment.
Thank you so much for you encouragement
ellowyne
ellowyne

Hello VeryIntroverted. sorry for the late reply, been badly depressed and could not go on the computer as my head pain was too bad.
Thank you for your caring message. I know what you mean about extroverts with low sensitivity and tolerance. I have found this to be true most of the time, but did not want to seem to tar them all with the same brush, but my experience of them mainly has been one of me listening and them talking and not really listening much or for long when I have a problem. I feel that some of them are more like children who get easily bored and like to play with their extrovert friends. I suppose I tell myself this because it hurts less feeling rejected by them so many times.
I always seem to end playing the mother role and rescuing and listening and the real me never seems to come out fully, if at all.
I am pleased your extrovert friends are nice but feel for you still struggling and feeling lonely. I feel we are a different species, and sometimes being on the outside is really lonely. I cannot work due to illhealth and live alone and my family was abusive, so the silence can be horrible sometimes.
Some people find it so easy to make friends and I seem to find it impossible. Thank you for your encouragement and here if you feel like talking. I feel that though the extrovert may try, they still cannot understand the trials us introverted and sensitives suffer.
veryintroverted
veryintroverted

Sounds you\'re really having a difficult time :( Please let me know if there\'s something I can do for help!
Wow,it sounds that you\'re really a good person. It\'s really sad that you have to face many people who treated you unfairly included your family. You don\'t deserve to be treated like that at all,I feel for you. Yeah,I agree! In fact that there are more people that want to be listened compared to those who want to listen. We are there when they need us,but they are never there when we need them (I have to deal with this situation until now) . I also often feel that I\'m always being different among people around me and not able to make friends. I am glad to have you here and you could make a lot of friends in here and find people with similar challenges.
You can always PM me when you need a company,you are more than welcome. Thanks for the reply!
ellowyne
ellowyne

Thank you for your caring message. It really means a lot. Your words are healing. Thank you also for offering to help. I never get that, so that means a lot too. It is amazing how many people talk and do not want to listen and I feel for you being stuck in that situation. I know how lonely and draining it can be.
I have felt the same, different, unable to join in, awkward, self conscious and lonely. The teacher once said to me \"I feel sorry for you because you are always on your own,\" at school. I know he meant well, but I felt so exposed and emabarrased. But I just did not fit in with my class. I had a friend who went off with another girl and used to call me names in the end.
I found other friends, but never deep. And they have gone too now, moved on and are living happy lives. I understand so well the feeling of not being able to make friends. Had it so many times, and concluded, after a lot of confusion, hurt and self doubt, that these people did not have the same things in common with me. And liked small talk and are talkers and not listeners. There seems to be so many of them. Depressing that there is so little genuine interest in most people about the people around them, and they talk about trivial things, Which I struggle to do. I suppose I do not like to talk about myself on a level because I think most people will not be interested, And not many are. I think we are a different species, wanting to go deeper. Your empathy about my abusive family was also healing.
You can always PM me too. I look forward to getting to know you more.
hugs