My life and why im flip around from God belief to No god
Peachy this one is for yourself!!! 1. Little peachy happy as a child, well thinks she is, but Dad leave her at age 3,,, why ?? dont know really, now think your not good enough for a dad, from that little tender age 2. Peachy the young girl, is sheltered away from having friends, as she is left with a very insecure mother, telling her all sorts of negative things about life, to hard for mother to have her, go and live with Grandmother... Peachy scared about life. No one wants me, no one loves me 3. Peachy young woman, meets men who want to have sex with her, feels sort of like love, peachy starts to feel close to people,,, Hey is this love,,, what is love, peachy doesnt really know, they all tell her this is love, Peachy smart, works out eventually that Nope dont think this is love. 4. Peachy now meets very attractive man, very strong, very protective, she marries him, he bashes her, breaks her bones, rapes her, insults her, daily, really really scares her., is such such a bad bad man,,,,, Police say, change your identity and leave,, he is a dangerous man , Where will i go, dont know, so l stay Peachy gets pregnant, and the Satan of a husband, says no, your not allowed to have a baby.,,,, have an abortion instead... Peachy does what she is told..... Crys for this decision, still crys for the decision 22 years later... .. So now along come pregnancies, beautiful children she has , so the loving father he is, also starts to abuse the children... Peachy says no way!!! Not happening to her children... but she gets sick,, gets arthritis , prays to god please make me well, and healthy, i must leave, but i cant , so peachy starts to drink alchohol, this numbs and makes peachy feel alright. sort of end up with an addiction, no no sort of there. Ends up with an addiction..... Peachy screaming inside, help me,,,, help me God please make this stop, Im not Bad... Whats going on here. i dont know why my life is so messed up ... 16 years of extreme marital abuse... 5. So Peachy runs like hell, takes her children with her, throws the husband in jail, but for 9 years after peachy leaves he torments her, he stalks her, he breaks into her house, he still terrifies her. 6. Peachy gets tough now, you cant hurt me anymore, no one can help me, no one can hurt me. Im void. Ive done this for so many years. Peachy thinking really, she has never known what it is like to be happy . Satan the ex husband moves onto another victim, and finally leaves peachy alone 7. Peachy starts again to feel safe, meets great guy! She is in love, totally 100% head over heels love, in with a fantastic caring man 8. But Oh - no,,,, peachy your not allowed to be happy.... God must be thinking.. Gosh Peachy life is to good for you now.... Cop this one, have some PD,,, this one you wont get over, this is the big one, this will creep around in you, until Viola!! Your done !! and thats where it is at the moment. Still got the great guy, but well history, im not going to count on anything A View of my life, no regrets !! Everything made me smarter, and gave me great insight into life. God please bless my children, keep them safe, keep them well, thats all i want now
Replies
Peachy....my dear girl...my friend? As \"friend\" as we can be all these miles away?? Let\'s go with \"friend\"....I like you kiddo.
And for that reason I can\'t help but say I\'m so so sorry for your lousy life so far. No wonder you doubt a God of any kind..I get ya.
But, you cant give up hon..you can\'t stop believing.
When I\'ve prayed to God before in what seemed like emergencies, life or death, they weren\'t always answered. And so, after the initial grief, I told myself \"well, perhaps my prayers are answered, only in a different way than I expected\"....do you know what I mean?
My life has been what I thought was normal..until I got away from it and then I realized, uh,no, not everyone\'s parents fight and hit and cry and storm out of the house....not every kid sits at the dinner table trying to be the referee between his parents, just trying to get through a meal without his stomach tightening up and spazzing. Lots of heartbreaks along the way, lost the love of my life at age 22, soon after that ..raped..then a rebound marriage, divorce, remarriage, 12 weeks in the hospital for a nervous breakdown...
I\'m not trying to compare my life with yours Peachy, I think what I\'m saying is that even with horrendous events in our lives, there is always something to feel positive about. God does answer prayers, not always the way you want. He is looking out for you, I don\'tknow why you have had more pain than the next guy, perhaps you will know someday.
I don\'t know why I had to be slammed with a disabilit at the age of 50, just when my wonderful granddaughter was born and now I can barely move around the way I would like, the way she would like me to, I don\'t know why I lost my beautiful dad to heart attack so young, it hurts so bad, and now my mom, my son the addict, but I can remind myself that no, God didn\'t make him an \"un-addict\" for me like I prayed , like I pray everyday, but he doesn\'t have cancer! My children and grandchildren are healthy. I was raped, but thank God no child was conceived. I lost my dad, but thank God he did not suffer long. I cant get around as I once did, but thank God I don\'t have cancer and thank God I lived long enough to SEE my wonderful grandkids and although I cant run with them, I can do so much other stuff with them...and who knows if I will live to a ripe old age..like we all plan...I don\'t know, but if I don\'t make the best of each day, then it\'snobody else\'s fault if I die young and didn\'t get to do what I wanted to do with life...it\'s not God\'sfault. It\'s up to me to do what I can with the assets I have...and believe me sweetie, there are many days I just want to stay in bed, take he pain pills and forget life....if I do, that\'s my choice, not God\'s.
I think everyone everywhere eventually has a cross to bear...and if not, well then they were just freakin lucky ...not my business...my life is tough enough without worrying about whether everyone else gets as miserable as I do sometimes....
PD, Muscular Dystrophy, RA, Altzheimers, cancer, alllll the awful, awful illnesses out there. I try so hard to keep a realllly low profile with God, I don\'t want him to think my life is real rosey here, time to mess it up.... ;-)
Peachy, we are what we live and what we learn. And you\'ve learned to survive, thank God for that. I\'m glad you are here, I\'m glad you found that wonderful someone, you deserve some happiness.
I don\'t know if there is a God. Writings in a Bible don\'t prove anything to me. What proves to me is how the seasons change regularly, the inside of a flower, a hummingbird, the workings of the human mind and the inner workings of any species, how intricate, how delicate, how purposeful....just my thoughts, I love ya kiddo, I wish I could just give you a big supportive sister hug, you\'ll just have to take my word for it that I\'m sending alllll the way tothe down under....you\'ll be okay kiddo..this too shall pass....xoxoxo
Peachy, life has been so hard for you. I cried reading your story, though I know that\'s not why you shared it. I think you\'re right though; everything has made you smarter (and stronger). Look at the great person you turned out to be!
Hugs,
Marian
Peachy, life is so hard and you\'ve had a tough one. My dad was a pedophile, threatened to kill me, and my mom was his helper. So my view of men was messed up too, like yours. My view of people was, build a very strong wall and don\'t let anyone in....ever....don\'t trust....don\'t reveal....be self sufficient....never let your guard down....try to please everyone and never ask for help.
This went on even after I became a Christian (at40!). Little by little pieces came off my walls. People took little pieces, I went to a pastor for counseling and he took big pieces. And then I got pd and the walls came down almost completely. I need help and friends to help, and God to give me strength to get through each day.
Our pastor said once that for believers this is as close as we\'ll ever get to hell and for nonbelievers this is as close as they\'ll ever get to heaven. I can\'t believe how hard life is sometimes.
Peachy deserves the love of a father...but like mine, your earthly father wasn\'t available. Peachy deserves love and care and comfort. God did allow this to happen to you just like He did allow it to happen to me. We didn\'t do anything to deserve it or the other bad things that have happened to us. But without my faith and strength from God and the friends and church family He has given me, I know I would lose it. God bless you and your family. Love, prayers & hugs, Jeanette
Peach,
There is no denying that you have had a rough time of it. The one thing that keeps shining through though is your strength. You are one of the strongest people I have ever known. You take a situation and handle it. Who gave you that strength? Who is there behind you giving you little shoves at the right time? I believe it\'s God. He is there when the time is right. We all go through times when everything looks bleek, and we don\'t know where to turn. I am so glad you are able to express yours so eloguently. It helps to get it all out. I wish I could do that as well as you. You are a strong, intelligent, and beautiful strong woman. Love yourself more and believe in yourself more and most of tell yourself how wonderful you are. We can tell you and it helps but YOU have to believe it. luv ya, Sass.