My life a Chapter 2

When great Aunt Vivian became too sick her son, Charlie and his wife took us to live with him and his wife in Orange Park.  Not really understanding much during this delicate time in my life I attempted suicide by swallowing a bunch of Aspirin. The Aspirin didn't do me in but gave me a huge rash over one third of my body. I was sad and depressed. My cousin took me to a dermatologist and the doctor put me on a high dose of Attarax. The medicine didn't clear the rash but it heavily sedated me. I just didn't belong.....anywhere. Not at my rich Cousin's house who didn't even buy me toiletries for young women. Not at school where I felt part of nothing. Not with anyone or anything. I wanted so badly for my brother Ron to care about me as he was my only family member that briefly did care. By the time he reached 18 the only thing he cared about was, girls. My brother stole a diamond ring and as punishment he was told he could go to jail or into the Military. He choose the Military. He stoled from the Military as well. 

My boyfriend Bob lived about 30 minutes away. Fifteen, 10th grade. Bob.Bob or sometimes he preferred Robert was a genius academically. In second grade they discovered he had the IQ of someone in high school. I clutched onto Bob and he returned the hold on me. There was no feeling of Love although, I thought I loved him. It was more of someone wanted me so I wanted them back. We were very active sexually. We were married 3 days before my 16th birthday. 

His mom and dad who owned a garbage service took care of his every need and whim. No one paid attention to my needs as far as clothing or personal hygiene. I ran out of underwear so I had to wear Bob's underwear. Food was what Bob wanted and life was catered to Bob.We lived in Green Cove Springs in a tiny house that his parents owned. I always wanted a family, this is all I ever wanted. Growing up being tossed around from one place to the next I wanted permanance and a steady, safe family life.I was pregnant with Bob's Child. He and his mother bullied me severely everyday saying, if you think your going to have that child we will throw you out on the street. I was very innocent, not in touch with my self or anything. I wanted very much to have this little baby. more than anything. I didn't know I had rights and there were people that would protect me. I didn't know much of anything. I followed my husbands authority as he dropped me off at the clinic where I told the staff I didn't want to have an abortion. Their reply was, you can always have more children.

After the event I would have dreams and visions. One repeated dream was of little baby hands reaching out to me in darkness. I kept trying to grab the little baby hands but they kept slipping away. Every time I think of my baby I cry. I also at this time had a strong vision where I was walking in this old southern style large house. On the walls where long windows and curtains made out of American Flags. I walked the length of the spacious room and saw a big solid wood desk with wood handles. I opened the top left drawer and it was filled with a lot of gold jewelry of all kinds. I looked at the jewelry for a second and then started to sift though it looking for something. I was propelled to do this from within myself. The jewelry was heavy so I weaved my hands in a fast motion. In the bottom, underneath all the gold was a simple gold chain with gold baby feet half way up each side of the gold chain. I took that necklace and started walking out of the big Southern style house. I looked at the curtains again but this time they had been burnt with holes in them. They looked like they had gone though a serious battle and barely could be recognized as American flags. Immediately after the dream of the little gold baby feet chain I developed no feeling toward Bob. I didn't feel hate, I felt nothing.

I was a serious devoted Christian. I prayed sometimes for hours. I fasted a lot and listened on the radio to the Christian teachers on Christian radio. I would with a fellow Christian walk around neighborhoods taking a survey and talking to people about being saved. Everyone but one person that MaryLou and I talked to accepted Jesus As the path to forgiveness and eternal life. I went to church all the time. I wanted to help and I wanted to save people. I started open mouth with intended words praying anonymously for all kinds of people, all kinds of animals. Everyone and anything I could find, I would pray. I helped start a church with fellow Christians near Main Street in the small town of Green Cove Springs.

When I turned 19 I started a non profit cooperation called New Hope. I collected money from church members and saved over a thousand dollars. I "adopted" the poorest families in Green Cove Springs during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Making sure they had all their needs met. I stayed busy working 3 part time jobs in the Orange Park Mall. I wanted to find a way out of the grasp of Bob Henry and his mother, Juanita.