my life...

Hey guys. Im new here. My first day to be exact. Right now im just dealing with a lot. I really wish i could tell people i knew in person without the burden and i find this to be a bit easier for me.well anyways ill just give an overview of my life. Im 18 year old girl and im currently been struggling with financial instability with my family and for the past 6 months weve been homeless. Weve couch surfed. Slept in cars and hotels too. Its been rough and still not having enough to bill the little bills we have and the medical bills due to no having health insurance. (We got rejected for medicare)  but before that my dad lost his job a year ago on my 17th birthday. It was pretty rough. Even though im dealing with finacial difficulty im dealing with emotionally. Such as ptsd from being sexually abused and raped for 7 years of my childhood along with mental abuse from my teacher back in elementary and hearing my parents fight all the time. Even though my parents are getting a divorce im still suffering. Ive been feeling kind of lonely cause my bf at the time used to help me feel better and i actually felt i had a sense of purpose and belonging only to no that a few months ago he left me and said i should trust authority more when i lost so much trust due my experience including shaming due to my self harm scars back in middle school. Even though that part is past me. I still feel the hurt that adults gave me. I wish life was fairer to me as i no longer feel like i know who i am and i no longer feel wanted. Well i never really felt wanted. I could be pretty but wanted im not. I dont live the life that i would like to say proudly. I suffer in silence since i know my family work all day and i know their too tired and i rather not burden them. I worry about my friends. I ask if their ok all the time and i dont get asked the same question. I always put a smile in my face even if it hurts. I pretend everything is fine when i know its far from it. I act so silly and annoy all my friends when i know im burning on the inside. I let them get mad and annoyed at me cause thats what i feel.  Theres many times i dont wanna deal with crap cause i deal with way too much of it. When i say stuff. It gets worse. So i just take it. Im tired of it. I wish my life was difference... i never asked for this. I never even asked to have a neurological illness that i was recently diagnosed with. Nor did i asked for recently not doing my schoolwork when my mind is elsewhere and that i lost all desire of it. I wish my teachers know that i worked so hard to get the work done yet call me lazy. If they knew how emotionally done i am , then maybe theyll understand. But thatll never happen.