My letter to T
Dear T,
First I need to express to you how much your dad and I love you.
Because we love you so much we are very concerned and worried about you. We know that you are struggling and have fallen back into the using drug world once more.
Like I’ve said before – we love you and would like to help you. The only way we can, however, is for you to be willing to accept the help. We cannot do it without you.
When I would talk to you about the certain rules we have or expectations of you, while you’re living in our home, you would comment saying that you’re 18. Yes – that’s true. But as an 18 year old and an “adult” certain responsibilities come along with that.
Technically and legally, we don’t have to provide for you anymore. We realize that you are struggling and because that is so – we’ve been willing to financially support you, but it comes with expectations.
We cannot sit back anymore – watching you slowly destroy yourself or causing us to feel uncomfortable in our own home. We also know that addiction is a progressive disease and things WILL NOT get better unless some changes are made – that means you accepting and going for help.
We know you’re also struggling with what you want to do – and its not just about the drugs. You’ve expressed that you’re an F-UP and that you want to do better. You’ve also said that you’ve been having a hard time and that we don’t understand.
We do understand that you have a lot of worries. We know that.
That is why it is VERY important to do something about it. This self-loathing will get you nowhere. It isn’t productive. What will work is to work on your sobriety. Being sober will open up the gates to the endless possibilities there are for you.
You are an extremely talented and bright young man. And talk about charm and personality! You are like a magnet that draws people toward you. What possibilities you have! Right now though – they are not serving you well.
It’s not serving us well at all, either. Your usage is affecting us more than you know. We worry – knowing that it’s a matter of time before something else will happen? Will we get a call in the middle of the night that you OD-ed? Will he get arrested? Will he steal from us again? Is he going to destroy our property? Is he going to get into a car wreck? You’re in the adult world now – which means the adult court systems. You know what happened to Danny.
Because drug usage is a very selfish disease – you cannot see how your usage and behavior is affecting us in other ways, too. Not only are we worried, but also feel sad and angry. It hurts me when you call me names because I won’t give in to your every whim. I would be very foolish to give you money or allow you to use my laptop after you took $500+ money from Dad. Dad even had it in hiding place and yet you felt like you had the right to go into his belongings and take it from him.
Taking Dad’s hard earned money really hurt Dad very, very deeply. I’m told that you finally apologized but the only way you can make that up to him is to agree to get help and to work on your sobriety. THAT would MORE than make up for it.
Please, please consider it. You have heard the stories of the people that are now recovery! And you know what they had to go through --- you can avoid all that if you agree to get help.
Love, Mom
*******************************************
Update: Ever since he read this letter from me to him - he's been a different person. I hope this continues....... :-)
First I need to express to you how much your dad and I love you.
Because we love you so much we are very concerned and worried about you. We know that you are struggling and have fallen back into the using drug world once more.
Like I’ve said before – we love you and would like to help you. The only way we can, however, is for you to be willing to accept the help. We cannot do it without you.
When I would talk to you about the certain rules we have or expectations of you, while you’re living in our home, you would comment saying that you’re 18. Yes – that’s true. But as an 18 year old and an “adult” certain responsibilities come along with that.
Technically and legally, we don’t have to provide for you anymore. We realize that you are struggling and because that is so – we’ve been willing to financially support you, but it comes with expectations.
We cannot sit back anymore – watching you slowly destroy yourself or causing us to feel uncomfortable in our own home. We also know that addiction is a progressive disease and things WILL NOT get better unless some changes are made – that means you accepting and going for help.
We know you’re also struggling with what you want to do – and its not just about the drugs. You’ve expressed that you’re an F-UP and that you want to do better. You’ve also said that you’ve been having a hard time and that we don’t understand.
We do understand that you have a lot of worries. We know that.
That is why it is VERY important to do something about it. This self-loathing will get you nowhere. It isn’t productive. What will work is to work on your sobriety. Being sober will open up the gates to the endless possibilities there are for you.
You are an extremely talented and bright young man. And talk about charm and personality! You are like a magnet that draws people toward you. What possibilities you have! Right now though – they are not serving you well.
It’s not serving us well at all, either. Your usage is affecting us more than you know. We worry – knowing that it’s a matter of time before something else will happen? Will we get a call in the middle of the night that you OD-ed? Will he get arrested? Will he steal from us again? Is he going to destroy our property? Is he going to get into a car wreck? You’re in the adult world now – which means the adult court systems. You know what happened to Danny.
Because drug usage is a very selfish disease – you cannot see how your usage and behavior is affecting us in other ways, too. Not only are we worried, but also feel sad and angry. It hurts me when you call me names because I won’t give in to your every whim. I would be very foolish to give you money or allow you to use my laptop after you took $500+ money from Dad. Dad even had it in hiding place and yet you felt like you had the right to go into his belongings and take it from him.
Taking Dad’s hard earned money really hurt Dad very, very deeply. I’m told that you finally apologized but the only way you can make that up to him is to agree to get help and to work on your sobriety. THAT would MORE than make up for it.
Please, please consider it. You have heard the stories of the people that are now recovery! And you know what they had to go through --- you can avoid all that if you agree to get help.
Love, Mom
*******************************************
Update: Ever since he read this letter from me to him - he's been a different person. I hope this continues....... :-)
Replies
Cautious optimism! Hope he responds more concretely!! Take Care!!!!
I hope your words get through to him. My son readily took the help we offered and was clean for a year. He relapsed and I tried and tried but he was in so deep that it took him getting arrested (twice in 2 weeks) and him going to county jail for 2 months to get himself straightened out. He is in a year long court ordered rehab program and seems to be doing well. He knows if not it\'s back to jail. It is so hard as a parent because I warned him and warned him this is what will happen and he did not listen and now he is 25 with two felonies. As of today he is doing well but as everyone here knows it is one day at a time. Hang in there and know you are dong everything you can, the rest is up to him.