My lack of ability in myself...
I build up too much dependancy on my relationships with men. I seem to attract addictive personalities that require nurturing/mothering type women which I am just great at, but in return they want total dependancy when it comes to time and affection. They want to have thier addictions and issues, yet want you to be "perfect." I have had alcoholics, who will drink while I babysit thier children. They expect me to keep up with my appearance and work 24/7 yet they will not. Some have even went beyond alcohol and script meds, smoking, yet I do not even smoke and they want a "barbie doll" to parade around on their arm and say all the right things, be intelligent, keep them entertained in and out of the bedroom, guess thier next move, yet when "Barbie" dares to be too smart and catches on to thier play with other women, or too sassy and dares question thier lifestyle, or why they blow hot and cold, turn from Romeo to the toad, then Barbie gets interchanged for Barbie's friends...
Promises get broken, Mr Dependable becomes Mr I can't follow through with that now and you are left once again picking up the pieces, the cancelled checks, the cancelled specialists appmts, etc...
I guess I am just venting at the fairtytale B.S. that these types lay on that builds you up, ony to leave you shattered in pieces..while they are once again galavating around thier kingdom with thier new princess and all is right in thier world...arghhh
Promises get broken, Mr Dependable becomes Mr I can't follow through with that now and you are left once again picking up the pieces, the cancelled checks, the cancelled specialists appmts, etc...
I guess I am just venting at the fairtytale B.S. that these types lay on that builds you up, ony to leave you shattered in pieces..while they are once again galavating around thier kingdom with thier new princess and all is right in thier world...arghhh
Replies
Oh God, I hear ya. My ex has moved on so easily and so quickly. His feelings sure ran deep eh? Yea, once you stop being the clueless obedient victim, you are so replacable all of a sudden. welcome here. I\'ve written so many posts and gone through so many different thoughts and feelings and phasses of healing. crying, feeling rejected, then hating him and wanting to put a hit on him..ha Feeling disgusted, blaming myself, blaming him, confused, the whole gammit. Still am but it\'s getting easier and i\'m learning so much. wishing you well, hugs
Thank you rainy for your comment. Mine moved on easy because he never really left her, she was always in the background, he just had her on standby. He will always have her on standby. Part of me feels sorry for her and part of me does not. She knows I was seeing him, she lives in his town and in looking back and the way she acted, she had the abilty to know my coming and going to his place. I give too much privacy perhaps, may of been my misdoing or who knows, maybe my blessing in disguise? This is not her first time taking him back by far and I am sure when he tires of her, he will try with someone else again. Heck, when I got on his computor, there were a bunch of IMs from females. I don\'t pay attention to that other than I am not a fan, so I really didnt care to use his computor. He acted like its no big deal, I am with you, Babe. Oh how I hate that term, BABE..He would even call the waitresses..babe. ARGHH.. I do know this, if he did not have all that cash to throw around and feel good pills, his (babes) would dwindle. Thank Gosh, I have my own money and no need for pills. You know in looking back, maybe that is why he kept trying to offer to pay for things for me and take me on trips? Or try this pill if your having anxiety or a headache? He wanted to turn me into an addict? Your thoughts? Maybe I lost him due to the fact he couldn\'t turn me? I do mourn the loss, but it\'s mainly the loss of who he had promised to be, what he had promised to make for us, a life, a family..a pretend pack of B.S.
Sorry Rainy, I do understand, they seem to have it easy cause they find people interchangeable and dont seem to be alone, but I really feel that they are alone...in the dead of the night, after the meaningless sex, the pills and dope that aint working no more and the hatred and anger at thierself that wont go away, they are miserable and they regret the person they lost that cared about them just because of them, not because of what they had to offer them..Just my thoughts...