My Journey to Find Me!

John Howard! When I look in the mirror who do I see looking back at me.  I remember the 18 yr. old girl that was so carefree and so in love.  Not a worry in the world, no worldly possessions but we had each other, we didn't worry about tomorrow we lived for today.  Here it is 33 years later and I am 51, you would think I would have a better understanding of what I want in life.  But I think that 18 year old knew more of what she wanted back then than I do now.  When I look at "OUR" youngest daughter she reminds me the world of me, so much so that it is "SCARY".   She is a girly girl loves to dress in the latest fashions everything matches, that was so me back then.  Now I am finding that part of me again.  Hair, makeup, fingernails, pedicures, clothes, shoes, purses all the things I could care less about for the last 30  years have become a priority.  "WHY"? These things were not important while married, because there were diapers, baby formula, shoes and clothes for the kids we didn't need anything as long as they had everything.  And then it was the dancing lessons, dancing recitals, baseball games, soccer games, cheerleading practice, football games and all the costumes, equipment, traveling expenses.  Vacations with the kids and grandkids all the things "WE" enjoyed so much are now just "ME".  Where is the fun in "ME".  I am planning another trip that's right we always went somewhere for our anniversary so I will be going somewhere not sure where but it will be "FUN".  I am learning to trust myself and go with my gut.  If it feels right just do it.  Worry about the consequences later.  Don't let my kids hear me say that, they would say "MOTHER" practice what you preach.  I say life is to short take a leap of  "FAITH".  If "GOD" brings you to it, he will bring you through it.  I have always put my family and kids first, but to find "ME" I have to put "ME" first.  No one can make you "HAPPY" you have to make your own "HAPPINESS", and that is exactly what I plan on doing.  Tinkerbell is fixed, the turbo engine has been replaced riding in her with the sunroof open makes me feel like I am 15 again.  "WOW" what a feeling, carefree and full of life not a worry in the world.  How I love riding in her!  Boy did I miss her, she has been in and out of the shop for the last 4 months but she is almost finished now.  Just waiting for a piece for the sunroof and she will be as good as new.  A road trip with her would be "AWESOME", I know John you would not approve, LOL.  But hey if it gets me to you sooner who cares.  You didn't like me taking her on the highway.  But boy does it feel great to take off in her and leave the other cars behind.   Yes, reminding me of my younger days.  Remember age is only a number and you are only as old as you feel and when I am in "TINKERBELL" I am a kid again.   I am starting to feel alive again, looking forward to tomorrow as new doors are opened and endless possibilities.  Don't ever say you can't do it, say I will show you how "I" will do it.  I am "Stronger" because of "YOU"! The one person who  believed in "ME" when "I" didn't believe in "MYSELF", and now "I" do!  Watch out World this is "ME"!  Love ya! Dra'