My Journey
Hi I am new to Daily Strength. I joined this site because I lost my husband on October 28th, 2011. He died unexpectedly. We had retired to this farm so he could be close to his airport hangar in and I wanted horses on my property. I have loved horses all my life. We bought the farm in September of 2006 and spent the next few years fixing it up. We could not retire and move here until March of 2010. I bought a Palamino quarter horse and two miniature horses. They arrived in May of 2010. I had never taken care of horses on my own and found out its alot of work. It didnt leave me much time to ride or have fun. It was especially hard the winter of 2010, since we had so much snow. I could cope as long as my husband was alive. Now that he died, I am completely lost. I dont know what my future holds. I was contemplating ending my life, but I must continue to care for my 4 dogs and 1 cat. The three horses are being taken care of and are boarded elsewhere for this winter. So far, this winter has been very mild, but who knows? I am praying for guidance and comfort and am taking this one step at a time.
Replies
Hi Corvette,so sorry for your loss,everybody here really does know how you feel.Its been almost 9 months since my wife died,and I feel so alone without her.But I know she would want me to go on,just as I am sure your husband would want you.It will take time,but you will feel better in time.Take care,Tom.
I find myself not crying so much anymore. It snowed here yesterday and I am trying to remain upbeat. I hate the winter and miss Mehlin more than anything. I relied on him for so much.
I think I have decided to move to a warmer climate. My horses have been given away to great people who will love and treat them right. That is the best I can do for them, since I love them so much. I just need to sell the farm and decide where in Florida I want to move. Would love to be on the Gulf, so I could continue my scuba diving. I love the sport so much. I feel it in my heart that this is the best for me. Mehlin would understand. He knew how much I disliked winter. When I was skiing, it helped past the winter. I havent skied in about 5 years. I dont really miss it. I prefer the water. Here\'s to a new journey, both scary and exciting.
It has been 3 1/2 months since Mehlin died. I have been more spiritual lately and feel it is helping. I have also made a special friend and between the two of us, have found that falling in love still happens (and at our age!). My plan is to not spend another winter here. I will put the house up for sale in March and will price it right so it sells. Then off to Florida. Being allowed to interact with the members on DS, has helped me immeasurably. Its been a journey that I did not want, but with God\'s help, it will turn out all right.
Well Mehlin, I am trying to put the farm up for sale by April 1st. It was so sad to see your beautiful train layout reduced to a pile of wood. I know how hard you worked on it. I did not think selling this place was going to be so hard and stressful. Almost all of your tools are gone and the garage looks so big now. I am so worried about selling this place. The real estate market is so bad right now. Also even if I get this place sold, I am only half done. I still need to find a new place in Florida. I feel so alone in trying to do all this. Chad has been selling your plane stuff, the sky scout project and the ultralight engine. I had forgotten you even had that stuff. I love this farm but cant stay here. Now that its spring the farm is really starting to look beautiful. Not having a good day today. I have a sore throat and I dont feel well. I have been crying all morning. You wlll be happy to know that I am meeting my brother at his house on Easter Sunday. It will be so good to see Jack again. Im sorry you never had the chance to meet him. I know you would have liked him. Just when I thought things were getting easier, it seems like they are getting harder.
I learned today that my beloved mini horses, Bug and Cowboy, have been given away to a good home. I will never see them again. The wagon and harness are going to be sold at a much lower price then what I paid for them. We never got to use them with the mini\'s. I realized that everything I have known and cared about is either being sold or given away. I would like to just give everything away and move somewhere and start all over. Im not sure how I will get through this, it is so hard and painful and sad.
Mehlin, my new villa in Florida should be move in ready by the end of July. I should be moved in by the end of August. It has been 7 months since you died. It sometimes feels longer than that. Everything you owned has been sold or given away. Your hangar in Brodhead was sold to Joe. I sold it to him for a price where he can keep both hangars. I know you would have wanted Joe to buy your hangar. I should be here for the Piet Fly-In in July. It will be great to see all of the people again. Im sure you will be greatly missed. Our hangar was always the favorite place to hang out. Bill R. should have the engine finished on your Hatz. Maybe he will give rides. If he does, I think I might want to go up in your plane for the last time. I always loved flying in the Hatz. Soon the farm will be only a memory. I will be making new memories in Florida.
I am single and living alone now. It did not work out with the man I met through here. I love my life but I am missing that special someone.
Its been 5 years since my husband died. I still miss him but more than that I miss having a special person in my life. I have tried online dating but have been very unsuccessful. I wonder what is wrong with me. I don\'t seem to appeal to anyone. :(