My Interpretation of Disturbia by Rihanna
So today I thought i'd do something a little different. I've been excessively listening to a lot of music and I had one song that especially spoke to me in my current crisis. Disturbia by Rihanna. Now this song based on what I've found online has a lot of set meanings for some people, but I'm not going to really touch on that. This entry isn't for what other people think the meaning of the song is. It's not whether I'm right or wrong in my interpretation. It's simply stating what this song means to me. I'm well aware of the stigma attached to this song from it being about panic attacks to demon possession. I'm well aware that it's believed Rihanna is a part of a cult along with Chris Brown who actually wrote this song. I have been dissuaded against listening to Rihanna because of this, but I don't believe we can be damned to hell by listening to specific music that some people deem as evil. It's kind of like how after the Columbine massacre many people attributed that two boys had gunned down dozens of their fellow students towards the fact that they listened to Marilyn Manson. While I don't like Manson's music I'm inclined to believe that through any song a person will find their own interpretation. That's why music is such a popular way to express emotion. Because it speaks directly to us through our own interpretation as to what is going on in our life at the time.
I'm going to reminisce a bit here. I was in Grade 9 and we had been given an assignment to choose a song and talk about its meaning. Now at the time this lead to a lot of controversy as many people had different interpretations of some songs. One of my friends picked "Sometimes" by Britney Spears. Now that song seems very simplistic in what it means, or so I thought at the time. "It's got to be about a girl who likes this guy but before they even get to the relationship stage she has to let him know some things about her that's going to be paramount in the way she acts in the relationship". I was certain that my interpretation was the correct one. Well the friend who had picked the song had a completely different interpretation. One that, at the time, I found completely ludicrous. And I pretty much told my friend that she was wrong, but now looking back I think neither of us were wrong or right. We simply had different interpretations.
So my interpretation of Rihanna's "Disturbia" may well be wrong. For all I know she is singing about being possessed by a golden chocobo. But I'm not saying that I'm right. All I'm saying is that at this moment in time, with what I'm going through, this is what this song means to me.
I was really quite surprised how I stumbled upon my interpretation. Let me set the scene for you. I had been feeling very deflated for the past couple of days. I thought maybe it was just because I had been cooped up in my room for the last 9 days, and that a trip to town and some shopping to replenish supplies would make me feel better. Well, it didn't. I had burnt myself a couple of CDs to play in my car and on the second disc I just selected a bunch of songs sang by chicks that had some attitude to them. One of the songs I selected was Rihanna's Disturbia. The song came on and I sang a little to it. The first lines didn't make any sense to me, but when it got to the part "Feels like I'm going insane", I thought to myself "Yeah, I can totally relate". And from then on it was just like little lightbulbs going off in my head. I went from thinking the song was about love and a bunch of nonsense babble to having an understanding of what that song meant - at least to me. Depression. That's the state I'm in at the moment. So this is my interpretation of the song.
What's wrong with me?Why do I feel like this?I'm going crazy now
When I'm going through depression nothing ever seems to trigger it. I'm always asking myself, "What's wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way?" When I can't find anything that could be the source it's then, "God, I feel like I'm going insane".
No more gas in the rigCan't even get it startedNothing heard, nothing saidCan't even speak about itAll my life on my headDon't want to think about itFeels like I'm going insane"
"No more gas in the rig" When I'm depressed I feel empty, deflated, and devoid of energy. Like I've just run out of whatever keeps me going. "Can't even get it started". I can't seem to get going. I just want to crawl under the covers and go to sleep. I don't want to face the day, and I can't seem to get moving. "Nothing heard, nothing said". Sounds are muted. I'm quiet so people are quiet around me. They don't want to talk about it and neither do I. "Can't even speak about it." How can I try to explain the way I feel anyway? The empty feeling, no words can truly describe what that is. The feeling of non-existance. It's too difficult to explain so why bother? "All my life on my head". Why is it so easy for some people while it's so difficult for me? I feel like everyone else is walking around while I'm stuck upside down. "Don't want to think about it". Because if I start thinking about it I won't be able to shut it off. "Feels like I'm going insane". Again why the feelings? What the hell is triggering this? There's no rational explanation. It's simply insane.
It's a thief in the nightTo come and grab youIt can creep up inside youAnd consume youA disease of the mindIt can control youIt's too close for comfort
"It's a thief in the night to come and grab you". It comes usually at night and like a thief it steals away your happiness. "It can creep up inside you and consume you". It comes without warning, for no reason at all and it consumes your life. "A disease of the mind, it can control you". Depression is all in the mind. A chemical imbalance in the brain. It's not able to be visibly detected. Its onslaught is one that is ferocious and impedes everything in your life. You feel like you have no control over anything anymore. That the disease now controls everything you do and everything you feel. "It's too close for comfort". Even the start of the onslaught makes you feel like you might go under. The beginning itches of depression make you feel scared and completely out of your comfort zone.
Throw on your brake lightsWe're in the city of wonderAin't gonna play niceWatch out, you might just go underBetter think twiceYour train of thought will be alteredSo if you must faulter be wiseYour mind is in disturbiaIt's like the darkness is the lightDisturbiaAm I scaring you tonightDisturbiaAin't used to what you likeDisturbia
This part feels more like how I try to think positive when I'm down. Never works though. "Throw on your brake lights, we're in the city of wonder". Whoa, slow down, it's not the end of the world. There's lots of things to be grateful for if you just look around. "Ain't gonna play nice. Watch out, you might just go under". Depression doesn't hold back any of its blows, so be vigilant. Take your medication, keep pushing forward. "Better think twice. Your train of thought will be altered." Depression alters the way you think. Problems that are usually so small and simple become so big and complex. So think about things, because a solution might not be so far away as you might think. "So if you must faulter be wise." If you stumble and fall, be wise about how you deal with it. Don't slip back into any of the self-destructive vices you've used in the past. "Your mind is in disturbia." Well, disturbia isn't an actual word. However; it is apparently a combination of the word "disturb" and "suburbia". So if disturbed means to show signs of mental or emotional illness and suburbia is the area on the outskirts of a city I guess it could be construed as your mind being in the limits/area of being hindered by something that is emotionally or mentally disconcerting. "It's like the darkness is the light. Disturbia." Now this feels like it's going back to my depressed self voicing this. When a person is struggling, though has not entered the stage of depression, they may see the light at the end of the darkness. This is seen as a positive thing. However; when depressed it is reversed. Now it is simply darkness at the end of more darkness. It's a negative view of the current situation one might find themselves in. "Am I scaring you tonight. Disturbia." Always got to ask myself this. When I come clean with people and actually talk about depression while I'm depressed. I wonder if I'm scaring them, if I'm making them feel down because I'm down. Like their happiness is dependent on me. My depression scares me, so why wouldn't it scare those who I share the disturbing tidbits of thoughts I have with them? "Ain't used to what you like. Disturbia." I'm not the same person I was before. The person who I liked, the person who others liked. Now I'm pathetic. Entirely consumed by the depression. We've been so long apart this depression that I'm not used to it, and neither are those around me. And honestly, I don't want to get used to it. It's a thief in the nightTo come and grab youIt can creep up inside youAnd consume youA disease of the mindIt can control youI feel like a monster
"I feel like a monster." There are many definitions of the word monster. The ones I'm going to focus on is "freak: a person or animal that is markedly unusual or deformed" and "a cruel, wicked and inhuman person." When depressed I do feel like a freak. I can't function like a normal person, therefore; something must be wrong with me. Depression also makes me lose both my patience and calmness. I am short-tempered and easily agitated, and can often say cruel things out of spite and my inability to control my tongue. So in all honesty, yes I do feel like a monster.
Release me from this curse I'm inTrying to maintainBut I'm strugglingYou can't go, go, goI think I'm going to oh, oh, oh
"Release me from this curse I'm in". Depression feels like a curse, and anyone who's gone through it just wants it to go away so they can be free to live a normal, happy life. "Trying to maintain, but I'm struggling". I'm trying to keep up appearances, trying to do the day-to-day requirements, but I just don't have the energy to pretend anymore. I'm faltering. "You can't go, go, go. I think I'm going to oh, oh, oh." This last line seems to talk once more to the depression. It won't go away. I'm trying and it's all in vain. So if it won't go away, there's really only one solution.
However; if that is the ONLY solution, I'm not giving in to it. Day 4 of taking double the dosage of Lovan. I still have hope that this whole thing can turn around.
Anyway, that is my interpretation of what Disturbia by Rihanna means to me. I felt like this song was significant enough to spend my time analysing it and its meaning. So it's worth the post. It also made me think a lot, and helped me to keep my mind off other things that are currently troubling me, so I welcomed the distraction.
I'm going to reminisce a bit here. I was in Grade 9 and we had been given an assignment to choose a song and talk about its meaning. Now at the time this lead to a lot of controversy as many people had different interpretations of some songs. One of my friends picked "Sometimes" by Britney Spears. Now that song seems very simplistic in what it means, or so I thought at the time. "It's got to be about a girl who likes this guy but before they even get to the relationship stage she has to let him know some things about her that's going to be paramount in the way she acts in the relationship". I was certain that my interpretation was the correct one. Well the friend who had picked the song had a completely different interpretation. One that, at the time, I found completely ludicrous. And I pretty much told my friend that she was wrong, but now looking back I think neither of us were wrong or right. We simply had different interpretations.
So my interpretation of Rihanna's "Disturbia" may well be wrong. For all I know she is singing about being possessed by a golden chocobo. But I'm not saying that I'm right. All I'm saying is that at this moment in time, with what I'm going through, this is what this song means to me.
I was really quite surprised how I stumbled upon my interpretation. Let me set the scene for you. I had been feeling very deflated for the past couple of days. I thought maybe it was just because I had been cooped up in my room for the last 9 days, and that a trip to town and some shopping to replenish supplies would make me feel better. Well, it didn't. I had burnt myself a couple of CDs to play in my car and on the second disc I just selected a bunch of songs sang by chicks that had some attitude to them. One of the songs I selected was Rihanna's Disturbia. The song came on and I sang a little to it. The first lines didn't make any sense to me, but when it got to the part "Feels like I'm going insane", I thought to myself "Yeah, I can totally relate". And from then on it was just like little lightbulbs going off in my head. I went from thinking the song was about love and a bunch of nonsense babble to having an understanding of what that song meant - at least to me. Depression. That's the state I'm in at the moment. So this is my interpretation of the song.
What's wrong with me?Why do I feel like this?I'm going crazy now
When I'm going through depression nothing ever seems to trigger it. I'm always asking myself, "What's wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way?" When I can't find anything that could be the source it's then, "God, I feel like I'm going insane".
No more gas in the rigCan't even get it startedNothing heard, nothing saidCan't even speak about itAll my life on my headDon't want to think about itFeels like I'm going insane"
"No more gas in the rig" When I'm depressed I feel empty, deflated, and devoid of energy. Like I've just run out of whatever keeps me going. "Can't even get it started". I can't seem to get going. I just want to crawl under the covers and go to sleep. I don't want to face the day, and I can't seem to get moving. "Nothing heard, nothing said". Sounds are muted. I'm quiet so people are quiet around me. They don't want to talk about it and neither do I. "Can't even speak about it." How can I try to explain the way I feel anyway? The empty feeling, no words can truly describe what that is. The feeling of non-existance. It's too difficult to explain so why bother? "All my life on my head". Why is it so easy for some people while it's so difficult for me? I feel like everyone else is walking around while I'm stuck upside down. "Don't want to think about it". Because if I start thinking about it I won't be able to shut it off. "Feels like I'm going insane". Again why the feelings? What the hell is triggering this? There's no rational explanation. It's simply insane.
It's a thief in the nightTo come and grab youIt can creep up inside youAnd consume youA disease of the mindIt can control youIt's too close for comfort
"It's a thief in the night to come and grab you". It comes usually at night and like a thief it steals away your happiness. "It can creep up inside you and consume you". It comes without warning, for no reason at all and it consumes your life. "A disease of the mind, it can control you". Depression is all in the mind. A chemical imbalance in the brain. It's not able to be visibly detected. Its onslaught is one that is ferocious and impedes everything in your life. You feel like you have no control over anything anymore. That the disease now controls everything you do and everything you feel. "It's too close for comfort". Even the start of the onslaught makes you feel like you might go under. The beginning itches of depression make you feel scared and completely out of your comfort zone.
Throw on your brake lightsWe're in the city of wonderAin't gonna play niceWatch out, you might just go underBetter think twiceYour train of thought will be alteredSo if you must faulter be wiseYour mind is in disturbiaIt's like the darkness is the lightDisturbiaAm I scaring you tonightDisturbiaAin't used to what you likeDisturbia
This part feels more like how I try to think positive when I'm down. Never works though. "Throw on your brake lights, we're in the city of wonder". Whoa, slow down, it's not the end of the world. There's lots of things to be grateful for if you just look around. "Ain't gonna play nice. Watch out, you might just go under". Depression doesn't hold back any of its blows, so be vigilant. Take your medication, keep pushing forward. "Better think twice. Your train of thought will be altered." Depression alters the way you think. Problems that are usually so small and simple become so big and complex. So think about things, because a solution might not be so far away as you might think. "So if you must faulter be wise." If you stumble and fall, be wise about how you deal with it. Don't slip back into any of the self-destructive vices you've used in the past. "Your mind is in disturbia." Well, disturbia isn't an actual word. However; it is apparently a combination of the word "disturb" and "suburbia". So if disturbed means to show signs of mental or emotional illness and suburbia is the area on the outskirts of a city I guess it could be construed as your mind being in the limits/area of being hindered by something that is emotionally or mentally disconcerting. "It's like the darkness is the light. Disturbia." Now this feels like it's going back to my depressed self voicing this. When a person is struggling, though has not entered the stage of depression, they may see the light at the end of the darkness. This is seen as a positive thing. However; when depressed it is reversed. Now it is simply darkness at the end of more darkness. It's a negative view of the current situation one might find themselves in. "Am I scaring you tonight. Disturbia." Always got to ask myself this. When I come clean with people and actually talk about depression while I'm depressed. I wonder if I'm scaring them, if I'm making them feel down because I'm down. Like their happiness is dependent on me. My depression scares me, so why wouldn't it scare those who I share the disturbing tidbits of thoughts I have with them? "Ain't used to what you like. Disturbia." I'm not the same person I was before. The person who I liked, the person who others liked. Now I'm pathetic. Entirely consumed by the depression. We've been so long apart this depression that I'm not used to it, and neither are those around me. And honestly, I don't want to get used to it. It's a thief in the nightTo come and grab youIt can creep up inside youAnd consume youA disease of the mindIt can control youI feel like a monster
"I feel like a monster." There are many definitions of the word monster. The ones I'm going to focus on is "freak: a person or animal that is markedly unusual or deformed" and "a cruel, wicked and inhuman person." When depressed I do feel like a freak. I can't function like a normal person, therefore; something must be wrong with me. Depression also makes me lose both my patience and calmness. I am short-tempered and easily agitated, and can often say cruel things out of spite and my inability to control my tongue. So in all honesty, yes I do feel like a monster.
Release me from this curse I'm inTrying to maintainBut I'm strugglingYou can't go, go, goI think I'm going to oh, oh, oh
"Release me from this curse I'm in". Depression feels like a curse, and anyone who's gone through it just wants it to go away so they can be free to live a normal, happy life. "Trying to maintain, but I'm struggling". I'm trying to keep up appearances, trying to do the day-to-day requirements, but I just don't have the energy to pretend anymore. I'm faltering. "You can't go, go, go. I think I'm going to oh, oh, oh." This last line seems to talk once more to the depression. It won't go away. I'm trying and it's all in vain. So if it won't go away, there's really only one solution.
However; if that is the ONLY solution, I'm not giving in to it. Day 4 of taking double the dosage of Lovan. I still have hope that this whole thing can turn around.
Anyway, that is my interpretation of what Disturbia by Rihanna means to me. I felt like this song was significant enough to spend my time analysing it and its meaning. So it's worth the post. It also made me think a lot, and helped me to keep my mind off other things that are currently troubling me, so I welcomed the distraction.
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