My Infertility
So i'm currently doing my grade 12 online I had to write a essay about something. I chose my infertility thought i'd share it can't be that bad got a 100%
My Infertility
I sit here scared with no clear answer to what or why a pregancy I shall not have. Secondary infertility is what they will tell us. Along with half the time it's the male while the other is the female. I was so sure that it would be my partner not me, but that would quickly change. I sat in the chair him across from me as we would be told that I had both a blocked fallopian tube as well as PCOS. PCOS I would think to myself what is that never hearing it before. All to quickly finding out it would be nothing good. I don't ovulate and that is problem one, problem two only one tube can carry my egg to the sperm, problem three my partner's sperm count would be low causing anthor issue all on it's own. This couldn't be was I hearing him correct and how would we concieve.
I sat at home doubting a baby would ever be. Lost is were I am. My parnter would have hope, faith,and the ability to believe. I can only wonder how he gets the strength to feel that way. I sit here angery, hurt, confused wanting answer but afraid of what is next to be reveled. Researching condtions treatments all the while wondering if I am capable of going through this at all. Pills, ultrasounds, IUI's would become common words in my life but what did that mean for my life. It means believing in something i'm terrified to let in, having faith when all faith is lost, trusting in something else something I can't see feel or touch. Is this something I can do. Is this something I am strong enough for. Am I able to believe to trust and walk through the ropes that need to be for a baby with him. The only answer I ever get is of course I am. What about failure what about breaking his hopes and dreams can I live with myself if that happens of course I can't. So here I get stuck at a cross roads trying to decided what to do.
The next leg of this journey is having surgey and IUI to try to concieve. Fear swells in the back of my throat and I try to find the courage and strength to tell him yes. All the while hoping he will realize there may be days or nights that I say i'm done due to the hurt and pain inside me, due to the constant disappoinment and failing. While really just saying it out of hurt, pain, anger, fustration. Is this something he can handle.This is the question left lingering in my brain. Infertility has become such a struggle in my life. It has touched me in ways I never dreamed. I pray that one day no other person will go through the hurt pain and stuggle I do today but until then I will try to find the courage and stength to muster through this challenge I am faced with one step at a time, one decsion at a time.
This was wrote On Monday, Jan. 9/12 by me.
My Infertility
I sit here scared with no clear answer to what or why a pregancy I shall not have. Secondary infertility is what they will tell us. Along with half the time it's the male while the other is the female. I was so sure that it would be my partner not me, but that would quickly change. I sat in the chair him across from me as we would be told that I had both a blocked fallopian tube as well as PCOS. PCOS I would think to myself what is that never hearing it before. All to quickly finding out it would be nothing good. I don't ovulate and that is problem one, problem two only one tube can carry my egg to the sperm, problem three my partner's sperm count would be low causing anthor issue all on it's own. This couldn't be was I hearing him correct and how would we concieve.
I sat at home doubting a baby would ever be. Lost is were I am. My parnter would have hope, faith,and the ability to believe. I can only wonder how he gets the strength to feel that way. I sit here angery, hurt, confused wanting answer but afraid of what is next to be reveled. Researching condtions treatments all the while wondering if I am capable of going through this at all. Pills, ultrasounds, IUI's would become common words in my life but what did that mean for my life. It means believing in something i'm terrified to let in, having faith when all faith is lost, trusting in something else something I can't see feel or touch. Is this something I can do. Is this something I am strong enough for. Am I able to believe to trust and walk through the ropes that need to be for a baby with him. The only answer I ever get is of course I am. What about failure what about breaking his hopes and dreams can I live with myself if that happens of course I can't. So here I get stuck at a cross roads trying to decided what to do.
The next leg of this journey is having surgey and IUI to try to concieve. Fear swells in the back of my throat and I try to find the courage and strength to tell him yes. All the while hoping he will realize there may be days or nights that I say i'm done due to the hurt and pain inside me, due to the constant disappoinment and failing. While really just saying it out of hurt, pain, anger, fustration. Is this something he can handle.This is the question left lingering in my brain. Infertility has become such a struggle in my life. It has touched me in ways I never dreamed. I pray that one day no other person will go through the hurt pain and stuggle I do today but until then I will try to find the courage and stength to muster through this challenge I am faced with one step at a time, one decsion at a time.
This was wrote On Monday, Jan. 9/12 by me.
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