My hurting anger.
Dealing with Colleen's passing is still very painful for me, but dealing with horrible people's attitudes suck!!! My family was never a part of Colleen's life, and after her passing they act as if she never existed. This hurts me badly!!! Recently my one cousin died, and my nephew's youngest son has serious heart problems. I feel sorry for the little boy. But the huge fuss that everyone is making about these two incidents, make me sick!!!!
Why are others worthy of sympathy, support and help, but Colleen and I never mattered? Even just to acknowledge that Colleen lived and passed, is too much to even hope for!! This makes me so angry, that the anger hurts! I feel bitter!! Yes I know that I need to forgive and move on, but the anger, hurt and bitterness is just too much at the moment. Maybe someday I will be able to deal with it properly.
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Andelene, please, when you learn to forgive them, let me know how you did it. I too know I am carrying so much anger and bitterness on my heart that it is adding to my already broken heart. Try as I have, i am unable to "forgive" those that chose to ignore my sons death and therefore ignore my daughter and I in our hour of need. I am therefore choosing to live with the anger, voicing my anger here as much as I am able. I can not make those people care or even understand the pain I have been living with for the past 3 1/2 years and don't have the energy anyway.
I am sorry to hear of another child passing in your family. Watching the outpouring of care must be so very, very painful and damn it, not fair to you or your precious child.
Sending really tight hugs from across the miles...
Merrilee
My heart goes out to those of us that have lost loved ones.
There is nothing worse than feeling invisible or having our friends and loved ones act indifferent. I would rather they tell me off as much as it hurts than to just act as if nothing has changed when everything in the world of a mother who has lost a child has changed. Nothing IS the same, we are not the same, nor will we ever be and all it takes IS a little compassion and empathy. I remember reading once in one of my grief books that to say to someone that you could "not imagine" what they are feeling is not consoling at all, yet if we can try to move into imagining it as best as we can, that is where the compassion enters in. It has changed my outlook vastly and I find myself not saying, "I cannot imagine." because in the moment I'm trying to. Perhaps that bridges the "great divide" in some way and I continue to ponder it.
I'm so sorry my friend and I know it must hurt terribly and feel confusing and isolating too. Please know that Colleen matters as do YOU and that I hold you both in my heart.
Loving care and may some tender days be yours in the midst of the really hard stuff.
XO Joanie
So much hurts so deeply and is all so unfair, I am so sorry, my friend. You and Colleen matter to me, although I know it is not nearly the same. I know I fight the bitterness and try to move on as well. Sometimes you just have to let it all out. I hope it has helped you some. I am sending my love and prayers to you both and hope you can feel my tight hugs in your heart...
A couple of days back someone wrote something that I am hoping to lean on. It was laurie and oh my I am so grateful for her words... I have read these words before... but perhaps this time my heart was more ready to receive them... I don't remember the words exactly... but what I remember is that being angry at others is like taking poison and thinking it will hurt them... it doesn't... it only hurts us... and I'm tired of hurting myself... so even though I'm not going to waste my time seeking the favor of people who are unkind... I will forgive ignorance because most of the time that's what it is about... and I will go on my own way. I promise you Colleen is remembered. I never see your posts I don't see Colleen. I smile to think of the good things you shared about her... its almost as if I can see her happy and being so loved... I am sad she died and sometimes I cry for that... but like I try to do about Cara's life and death I try to be more grateful our angels lived... that they lived... that we were so lucky to be part of their lives and they were lucky too to be part of our lives... we know we loved them as no one else could have... I will continue to cry and rant and rave at times... but I will get through that because I want to get back to the place where I can rejoice our angels lives. I'm not telling you not to cry, rant, rave... You can't... it hurts... but I just wanted to let you know most of all... Colleen is loved, remembered, mourned... and you and yours are loved here with us. Hugs Elissa and Cara
I am so sorry,dear Andelene! Sending comforting Hugs and healing Prayers (((Hugs))) and Love,Maria