My Heart Yearns For You
It's been two years since you took your last breath, while I stood quietly by your side. I've managed to crawl out of the black hole, and I've managed to create a life that I am comfortable and content with, but you are always on my mind, and forever etched in my soul.
As of July 15, 2011, we will be married 33 years. As far as I am concerned, we ARE still married. I am forever your wife, your companion, your soulmate and your friend. I forever will wear my rings and keep our last name. I am forever your legacy for as long as I walk this earth.
I can only imagine the pain you would have suffered if I had passed before you. I don't believe it would have been long before you would have died from a broken heart, and rejoined me in heaven. I have suffered the worse pain, torment, fear and anxiety because of love. Love for a special man that God created. I often say that God certainly broke the mold once he made you. You were very handsome, tall, with dark hair, the bluest twinkling eyes, and an infectious personality. You were admirable, respectful, and extremely loving. You were also devoted to those that you cared about and loved, and selfless to a fault. The only man I have ever come across that was so into his wedding, and continued to love to talk about it, including his honeymoon, until the day he died.
Today, I grieve quietly instead of openly. No one can understand my heartache, nor my pain. Their way of fixing everything is to pair me up with another man, which I neither want nor need. There will NEVER be another man in my life, for the only one I ever want is you.
Like the inscription on our headstone, "I will always be at your side."
Your everloving wife,
Debbie
As of July 15, 2011, we will be married 33 years. As far as I am concerned, we ARE still married. I am forever your wife, your companion, your soulmate and your friend. I forever will wear my rings and keep our last name. I am forever your legacy for as long as I walk this earth.
I can only imagine the pain you would have suffered if I had passed before you. I don't believe it would have been long before you would have died from a broken heart, and rejoined me in heaven. I have suffered the worse pain, torment, fear and anxiety because of love. Love for a special man that God created. I often say that God certainly broke the mold once he made you. You were very handsome, tall, with dark hair, the bluest twinkling eyes, and an infectious personality. You were admirable, respectful, and extremely loving. You were also devoted to those that you cared about and loved, and selfless to a fault. The only man I have ever come across that was so into his wedding, and continued to love to talk about it, including his honeymoon, until the day he died.
Today, I grieve quietly instead of openly. No one can understand my heartache, nor my pain. Their way of fixing everything is to pair me up with another man, which I neither want nor need. There will NEVER be another man in my life, for the only one I ever want is you.
Like the inscription on our headstone, "I will always be at your side."
Your everloving wife,
Debbie
Replies
Debbie beautifully written demonstrating the wonderful love you had with your husband. Larry and I were together for over 40 years so I feel much the same as you do. You are so right...no one except a widow/widower can understand the pain we have endured and continue to endure. I am so happy for you that you have found some contentment in your life. Sending you warm hugs,
Lu Ann
Thank you Lu Ann. I really wish at times that others could see and feel my life the way I do. But, no one needs to be happy with my life except me. And I\'m my happiest when I know that I am Richard\'s wife and that he will come for me one day. I\'m also happy that I was able to recover in a sense to a life that I am content with. I really get angry when someone eludes that I am wasting it because I haven\'t hooked up with someone else to share it with. That may be what they want and perceive for me, but it isn\'t what I want. What I want I have, and the icing on my cake would be if my husband never died in the first place.
I\'m glad that you understand Lu Ann. It is so comforting to reach out and find that there are other widows in the world that feel the same way I do.
Blessings
I always say \"I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND\", it doesn\'t just stop. He is all I ever wanted in a man. I miss him so very much.
I will ALWAYS love my husband, Bob!! I am still madly in love with him... just wish he was here so I could express that love to him.
I am coming upon 1 yr mark on July 5th and our 39th Wedding Anniv. on July 8th. So many reminders of where we were in his cancer battle 1 yr ago.... So sad!!!
Hugs, Linda
You are such an inspiration to me Debbie, and I admire your loyalty. I feel the same way. I am married still. You are in my thoughts. Hugs~Shelley
That is such a tribute to your love and it leaps from the words to our heart. You are not alone, Debbie, many of us here join you in your pain because it\'s part of our life too. I care. Sharon
Thanks guys. No matter how vast the world seems, or the constant reminders of what I once was and no longer have, I will never break that commitment to him. Being true to myself is being able to be truthful to all of you. I am careful anymore what I say to people, or mostly don\'t say anything at all unless they ask where my husband is. I get the looks like I have a third eyeball growing out of my forehead, and sometimes the glance to my left hand and then to my face. I guess they believe it\'s time to remove my band, or to let him go and hook up again. It\'s not in the cards, nor is it going to happen. After two years, I still feel the same as I did toward the subject after he passed. As far as I am concerned, I am forever married to my man.
l love your journal Debbie so well written and such a lovely tribute to your husband,alot of people think the way you do,they are forever a part of us and always will be connected to us.
Alice