my hero

my cousin jason has always been my hero, that scares my family but he is the one that looked out for me when i was really little like when i was 4 and fell on the pool deck and got a huge splinter... i was flippin out and he held my hand and distracted me, then told me if i let the puppy lick my boo boo it would stop hurting so i did and maybe it was just me wantin to believe it but it stopped hurting. I adored him and then he got older and stopped coming around so much but i never stopped putting him on a pedistole then in 1999 he hung himself and i went into denial which was easy since i never saw him but mom made me go to the funeral and looking at him in that casket i felt my heart rip in two but i wouldnt cry couldnt cry... then, when the rape started the next year i started looking at what he did another way, my life was being ripped apart and i remebered how peaceful he looked and then he became my hero for a whole new reason he was brave enough to do what i cant. i used to dream i was there watching him and couldnt stop him then when my other cousin raped me i realized why i couldnt stop him i knew what he was doing was better for him it freed him from the pain of this world. i just wish i had his strength, im getting a tatto as soon as i have the money. its a rose with barbed wire and his name and years he lived. he will always be my hero I LOVE YOU JASON