My grieving....is it grieving?
I have been sitting around, feeling miserable and defeated, since Bryan passed and I got tired of it. I could have gone to the doctor and gotten some sort of pharmaceutical product for a temporary fix but instead I just thought about how lonely I was without having someone special in my life. Or more like someone who will just make me laugh again. I started dating again. I thought that maybe I was rushing things but once I got out there I realized how much happier I was. I thought this meant that perhaps I didn't love Bryan as much as I thought. Then I realized that I was comparing the guy I was dating to him. So much that I actually scared him off by things I said. So....I know doubting my love for Bryan wasn't it. I loved him so much that when I was with this other guy I was just nervous and thought he wasn't very attentive. The nerves were from me dating again, after 3 years. I've chosen not to let me get in to my own head. To be happy no matter what happens in my life. I dance in my car every day. I don't cry anymore. I have become more involved in my daughter's life. For a while there I was very self absorbed in my grief. I can't say that I'm unhappy anymore. I'm not unhappy that it did not work out with that guy. It's a learning experience. How will I ever know I'm ready until I try? How can you chose how long is an appropriate time to wait? Everyone is different. I thought that my friends and family would judge me. I have a lot of support it turns out. I think that the ones who are reaming quiet have their own views and opinions on it but that's okay. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I knew when he was diagnosed that that was it. I spent 8 months watching and waiting for the inevitable. In a sense I kind of look at it now like preparation. My future was set in stone. I would not be with him and I knew it. I am not frowning on myself. I can be me, and be happy, and I don't think Bryan would be frowning on me either. He wanted me to be happy and I think that's all that matters. I'm taking my time, I'm not rushing anything, and I'm looking for a man who will treat me like a queen like Bryan did. My life is good right now though and when the right guy comes back in to my life I will know it.
Replies
Good for you. I felt the same way when I first dated after my wife died. That was about 5 months after she died after being in the hospital for 4 months (though she was expected to recover and come home). On one hand I was worried what others would think but on the other I didn\'t give a damn. I\'m coming up on two years since Dina died as well as a year since I\'ve started seeing the new woman in my life. Do what makes you happy.
You are doing a great job at rebuilding who you are. That doesn\'t mean leaving your husband behind, but taking the memories and the lessons of the past to build a productive future. It may include a new relationship, but it\'s not required once you find the happiness in yourself.
I thought at first I would never seek a new relationship. Then the loneliness was so bad I thought only a new relationship would bring happiness. Then I found myself and the relationship between two happy people happened. Wishing you all the best. Sharon