My Granddaughter Needs Leg Amputated/My Therapist/Won Trip

It’s Monday evening and I went to babysit my grandson at my therapist’s office so she could see my daughter, her boyfriend and my grandson.  I know this is not productive but I couldn’t look at her.  I’m still mad.  I feel bad about doing this because normally I’m a very friendly person.  I want to work past the anger and I don’t want it to interfere with my work with her so I’m hoping I’ll be OK by Thursday when I go see her for myself.  I need to work on this trip stuff, practice, more exposure therapies, etc.  But the anger doesn’t go away and talking about it with her will not be helpful – she won’t even compromise or anything – so what’s the use?  When she came out to get them she said hi to everyone – even to me – saying my name.  My grandson was sitting on my lap because I was reading him a book so I was able to kind of hide behind him.  I just couldn’t look up to say hi.  I ignored her.  She took him first and they went in.  When he was done and she came out for the second time to get the both of them I focused on my grandson and the picture he was carrying.  Don’t know if she noticed me ignoring her or not.  She was only out for a couple seconds.  I shouldn’t care – I’m sure she doesn’t care.  She doesn’t care how it’s great with her during that hour but then I feel so dropped during the whole, long rest of the week.  Especially now with not being able to even talk on the tape recorder.  I hate this – I feel stuck.  Things happen so quickly in my life.  This morning, Tuesday, I got a phone call that I won a 3 night trip to Cancun, Mexico from a Fair I attended this weekend from a local hospital.  Wow!  I will take my husband.  He is so excited, too!  God brings good things in life, too!  Thank you!   But on the other hand my daughter called to tell me they decided today that they will amputate my little granddaughter’s leg.  Too much infection and not healing, I guess.  I feel so bad for her and her Dad feels pretty bad, too.  But I try to look at the bright sides.  She has had so many surgeries on that leg, she’s in & out of the hospital, they need to get her back on chemo soon.  So maybe it’s a blessing that she won’t have to continue going through all that for many, many more years and then end up with an amputation.  It’s easier to do it when she’s young – little kids adapt so well and she’s such a fighter, such a strong little girl.  I have to admit, though even the word ‘amputation’ sends chills up & down my spine.  So I ended up calling and leaving a 2 minute message on my therapist’s voice mail.  My daughter’s boyfriend called her earlier and he and my daughter were fighting.  So, I guess I felt like I had to let her know my daughter’s side of it, what my daughter said to me, how I encouraged her, etc.  I did mention that I was not using the tape recorder and how I don’t like it at all – it’s not working out.  But she doesn’t care!  So now it’ll be really interesting when I go see her on Thursday – remember I couldn’t even look at her last night.  I sure wish she’d work something out with me about this talking.  My son that lives very far away doesn’t always use good judgement with how he treats me, what he says to me, etc.  I called him today to tell him about the trip I won.  He was negative, realized he shouldn’t be and changed his tone a little.  But when I asked him if he called our Aunt (she lives 2-3 hours away from him now) he said he lost her phone number again.  So I started to give it to him, said ‘1’ and was about to give him the area code and phone number.  He blasted at me, yelled at me that I’m treating him like a 5 year old, he knows how to dial numbers and I’m treating him like an idiot.  Why does he act like that?  It hurts my feelings so much.    So when I told him about the trip I won I got negativism.  My daughter just doesn’t seem interested at all but I know she has other things on her plate now.  But, she’s always like that.  I listen to my kids so much!  I listen & listen!  But when it comes to me – they just shove me aside and don’t listen.  You’d think I’d be a good example to them but not.  I wish they’d grow up.  Now, the good news is I got a positive response from my middle son and from my husband.