my goal

I give up on this goal. I can't restore a past with someone without the other person willing to do the same. As hard as i try to be a good friend, as difficult it is to keep my feelings supressed... i still do it FOR HIM, for the chance that we could move on from our bad past. I worked SO HARD to heal myself inside, to let the past in its entirety go and to finally not have any regrets,  and most of all, to forgive myself and him and the whole freakin' complicated relationship that we now have. I've done all I can. And still it's not enough. Some days I'm just drowning inside as I look at him. And the part that's THE HARDEST PART, is that I look at him, and still I love him. I have loved him for years, and now I fear that the only thing I can do is just run away, hide from it all, because it's too hard. He's my greatest love   . . . . and he doesn't know it . . . won't even tell him . . . because I know he feels nothing for me.