My future seems grim

I have been at my new job for 2 weeks now.  Im not feeling good about my ability to focus and learn right now.  I need this job or ill lose everything i have left. 

My ex has ghosted me after telling me he was going to make my financial situation better before Xmas.  I think this is very cruel for someone to do.  He wants me to fail and i feel like IAm.  I was up this morning in a state of mania.  I was thinking I would die young, and die homeless and alone.  It seems it is all going toward that.  I even thought about checking myself into a mental hospital but know if i do that i will lose what little i possess.

But..im so tired and drained.  Its getting hard to put the happy face on to face the days.  I honestly dont know what to do.