My friend Jody
Saturday my son agreed to go to NYC to visit the American Museum of Natural History.(I have never been there! Kids and husband have been.) While we were there I got a phone call I didn't recognize, they left a message so I listened to it as soon as I had a moment. One of my best and oldest friends, Jody, died last Monday. It was her mother calling to tell me the news. I just can't believe it....I was just visiting her last Spring. She is very athletic and seemed to have nothing wrong. Her Mom said she died from blood clots in her lungs but she didn't want to go into details just yet. There will be no funeral, but they will have a memorial Dec. 5th. I am in shock, I cry but I can't believe it. My friend was only just 59 years old. How can this be?Why couldn't the good lord take me? I am doing nothing on this earth but crying and being miserable. I serve no useful purpose anymore. I have no one and nothing. I am wasteful and unappreciative of what I have or had. I should be the one to die, not Jody. Not someone who did something with her life. She had a family that loved her, lots of friends. Maybe she didn't have a husband, but so what. She had a REAL family that loved her. Not like mine that don't even acknowledge I exist or had anything to do with them, now or before. I know I am a broken record, but I just can't believe what has happened to me and is still happening to me. I must give my son credit he did seem somewhat taken aback that a friend of mine could actually die. We quickly finished with the museum and went back to his school. He had a concert that night at 8pm with a dress rehearsal at 4pm. I managed to compose myself in the 4 hours I sat in my car waiting for my son to finish his rehearsal. I called my Best friend and surrogate Mom Dorothy back in California and told her the news. I know at my age I shouldn't have a mom, but mine died 13 years ago and she really was my BEST FRIEND. Like I said I managed to compose myself and the concert was wonderful. My son never played a musical instrument until he was in 9th grade and signed up for Marching Band. He wanted to play the drums, but they started him on Percussion Instruments consisting of the Marimbas and the Xylophone. He worked his way through all the drums, Bass, snare and quads. He even took up the Trombone his last year. In this concert he played the Tympani's because this is an Orchestra. On Dec. 4 he is playing another school concert with the Concert Band. In that concert he said he is playing all the odd extra instruments, like bells, cymbals, etc. I am very proud of my son's interest in music. I like music, but haven't got the foggiest idea how to play anything! So we went to Staten Island to have Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner all at the same time yesterday(got there around 1pm)had a nice meal, then took him to Liberty Park. He is in his 2nd year at Stevens and has never been to the Statue of Liberty???!! He had to be back by 6pm for another practice, so tried to take him back at 4:30pm but the fire department was at his building(he said it was probably a false alarm)so we couldn't park. We went to the A&P instead, got him some more food for his room and got me some things to munch on in the hotel room.(Boy some restaurant prices are ridiculous here!)Then went back and dropped him off. Now I won't see him until Tuesday afternoon around 3pm. Is it me, or what? but if my mother had flown all the way from San Diego to visit me for one week I would have spent every available minute with her. I guess sons are different. So it is 6:59am and I have a long period of time to get through. I miss you Jody.
Replies
11/23/10 10:25am
I am so sorry to hear about your friend Jody, its a great loss to lose a dear friend.
I\'m even more sorry to hear that you wished it was you. You\'re a friend of mine now too so please don\'t think like that. You have a lot to offer. I know that right now things are hard, you\'ve suffered alot, but you have survived. Cry all you want, I also do a lot of that. I don\'t think there is any stopping all these emotions so we just have to go through them, at least we know we still have feelings and are not as cold hearted as others in our lives. It\'s hard I know, but weither you believe it or not your children need you and they will sort out their feelings, and know that you are there with open arms. Right now you\'re re-building a relationship with your son. Little steps forward each moment will be meaningful to him and you.
Maybe in his mind he is spending every available moment with you. Teens think differently than adults, but will be adults soon.
I sending you peace, love, happiness, self-worth, (((hugs))) and friendship.
Thanks GeoQ you really are a nice person. I wish we could have been neighbors I would have really enjoyed doing things with you. But this crying thing is getting to me. It makes me cry more. I am glad that I still have feelings but why do I have to feel these emotions when he doesn\'t have to and neither do the kids. Why can\'t I be like them and a lot of other people? As for the baby steps with my son, what if it is all for nothing? what if he is just stringing me along just to get things from me? I hate to be like this, but I have spent 18 1/2 years believing that my husband and family loved me. Only to have them suddenly stand back and say out! We don\'t want you in our lives any more. Obviously I have done things they don\'t like, what I am not sure, as they have never been willing to sit down with me or with a therapist to talk about it. Why do they get to just throw me away? Why can\'t I just throw them away? I know why...I love them...all of them. With their faults and without. How could I be so stupid all these years? Why didn\'t I see that my kids were growing up to be just like their father? He used to say I was abusive, because I would tell him what I didn\'t like,,,about people, or things or situations. I tried to explain to him, I just wanted him to understand what I like and don\'t like. I also never said things to the people or things or situations other than the truth. I don\'t believe in hurting people\'s feelings if there is any other way to handle a situation. I am not a kiss ass, just diplomatic. But it seemed if I ever expressed any kind of a negative thought or feeling then I was abusive. Why am I telling you this? It does no good. And its information I should be keeping to myself. I am sorry I have rambled on about unnecessary things. I appreciate your peace, love, happiness and most of all your friendship.
i\'m sorry for your loss. jody was a dear friend. i\'m so glad you have wonderful memories of her which you will cherish for years to come.
11/23/10 5:30pm
Even though we aren\'t neighbors we have met and have made a friendship, which I\'m thankful for. We can\'t knock on each others door, but we can still communicate.
The time you have spent here in NJ is not for nothing. I\'m sure your son will always remember it, you\'re building a bridge towards him and I\'m sure the time you are spending with him will be the beginning of him wanting to cross that bridge toward you. Just keep communication open, even if you don\'t think so he\'s listening. Their fathers influence will not mean as much someday, they will think for themselves and realize it.
You said \"Why am I telling you this, it does no good\". I say, \"Yes its good, its always good to tell friends how you are feeling\". I understand the pain and crying that you are going thru. I do have the support of my children, so I can imagine how you feel without that support, but you do have the love for them that will drive you to keep trying and reminding them that you love them. My children were older than your\'s when stbx left for OW. Came back and then left again and again for same OW. They are now 27, 29 & 42 y/o, so they are adults and think like adults. Your children will grow up and see things differently too.
Ramble all you want, I\'m here to listen and I\'m good at rambling too.
Please know that you are in my prayers.
Again, my friend I\'m sending you understanding, love, prayers, peace, (((hugs))) and friendship.