My friend Jack

While I was in Ottawa this summer, I got a message saying that Jack had a bad fall and was in the hospital.  I didn't realize at the time how bad.  That was over a month ago and he is still in the hospital.  He stopped eating, became very confused, and lost his ability to walk.  Currently, he has sores on his heels and is skin and bone.

Leslie, his fiancee of 38 years, has been with him every day and now many nights.  

Jack is one of the most complicated, brilliant, generous, gentle people I know.  He has a library of over 3000 books all of which he has read!  He is also an alcoholic, depressed and has been suicidal off and on for years.  When I was away, Leslie kept me up to date with the tests and treatments he had underone.  They tried feeding him with a nasogastric tube, which he pulled out a few times.  It became clear that he was not improving; and furthermore, he did not want to get better. A week ago she made the decision to stop the interventions and let nature take its course.  Jack goes in and out of lucidity but became more aware and talkative once the tube was out and people stopped pestering him to eat.  He can carry on a conversation, enjoy a joke and his steel trap memory is mostly intact.  He was adamant that he did not want to live, especially without being able to walk - they were considering a nursing home.  He did not want that, and Leslie said she would take him home and hire help.  Jack decided that a hospice would be okay if need be.

I have been keepiing Leslie company in the afternoons.  She found it incredibly hard to realize that he was not going to make it.  However, in a lucid moment, Jack asked the doctor if he made the right decision.  The doctor said "Yes, I believe you did".   I have never seen anyone so relieved and happy to be dying!  For the last few days, he has been doing a life review.  We have laughed and cried.  His main concern is Leslie.  They are a very private couple so do not have may close friends.  He asked me to look out for her.  I reassured him that our little group of friends were going to take good care of her.  We have been taking turns sharing dinner with Leslie for a month.  I find it a privilege to be able to share his last days.  Yesterday, he said that he wished he could go soon.  He is a bit of a control freak so I said that there were some things he just couldn't control.

I am not unfamiliar the dying and being with people who are dying.  I have never seen anyone more at peace and ready to go. It evokes mixed feelings.  We are sad that he will no longer be with us but happy that he is so ready.  We don't know how long it will take but we are there for the duration.  He knows he is loved and that we understand and want what he wants, as painful as it is.