My first post here-reaching out-extreme loneliness & feeling suicidal
I need to meet other people who feel this way. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends how extremely lonely i am b/c I hv a husband & 3 kids but they don't like to do the same things that I do. It seems the only special time where our whole family is doing the same thing is when we watch a movie together every week or 2. I hv all boys & they like to do boy things w my husband, like Xbox, paintball, etc & I've offered to try those things w them but the past couple of yrs every time I ask if they'll watch tv or a movie w me or play a game w me or go somewhere fun, the answer is no.
Summe used to b my favorite time of yr b/c the stimulation & doing new & exciting things tht I need for my ADHD was treated b/c I took my kids & carlOads of neighbor kids all sorts of places & there was laughter & enthusiasm. Now my kids r content to stay home day after day & don't want to even b in the same room.
I hv pursued my own interests & hv my own friends & go to parties & events on weekend evenings but weekday during the day has always bn my time for the worst depression since I had to stop working yrs ago w my health. I am so bored & lonely. I've felt this way for so many yrs & hv tried so many things to change it.
I don't want sympathy or anyone to feel sorry for me--I need to find people who undrstnd so I don't feel so alone. Ive nvr posted on an online support group before though I've planned to for yrs but I've only bn motivated & able to call & text people I already know & go to events & support groups where I can see people face to face but this has caused increasing feelings of rejection as everyone nowadays is too busy to get together & all I feel is like an annoyance. I spent months isolated & keeping to myself but the past few wks hv contacted lots of friends, old & new, & when people don't get back to me or r Alwys too busy to get together, the pain is worse than if I'd just kept to myself.
So this is where I am & my desperation for connection & understanding has finally pushed me to finally post on an online site. It's easier for me to meet face to face & get out if the House instead of socializing online, but hopefully I can quickly get some rewarding experiences & feedback so tht Incan b motivated to keep connected thru this great website.
It'd b nice to get support for my depression anonymously thru a site like this instead of feeling ashamed & tht im a burden when expressing these feelings to family or friends.
A couple of wks ago for the first time in my life I researched the most painless ways to kill yrslf. Last night was the 2nd time in my life & I'm getting worried. Also, b/c last night I got validation for feeling this way when I read tht the suicide rate for women in the 40-60 age category has increased. That makes it more ok for me if I had to go thru w it. It's a good & bad thing to hv read tht. I know tht it wld destroy my family's life but I'm so sick of feelIng this way for so long. I need to hv real reasons for hope tht this is going to stop.
Well, for anyone reading this, thank u. I don't hv any friends in real life tht I cld write this much to--it seems I overwhelm people w so many words & emotions. So tht's y I've tried so hard to clam up over the yrs.
Thank u, V
Summe used to b my favorite time of yr b/c the stimulation & doing new & exciting things tht I need for my ADHD was treated b/c I took my kids & carlOads of neighbor kids all sorts of places & there was laughter & enthusiasm. Now my kids r content to stay home day after day & don't want to even b in the same room.
I hv pursued my own interests & hv my own friends & go to parties & events on weekend evenings but weekday during the day has always bn my time for the worst depression since I had to stop working yrs ago w my health. I am so bored & lonely. I've felt this way for so many yrs & hv tried so many things to change it.
I don't want sympathy or anyone to feel sorry for me--I need to find people who undrstnd so I don't feel so alone. Ive nvr posted on an online support group before though I've planned to for yrs but I've only bn motivated & able to call & text people I already know & go to events & support groups where I can see people face to face but this has caused increasing feelings of rejection as everyone nowadays is too busy to get together & all I feel is like an annoyance. I spent months isolated & keeping to myself but the past few wks hv contacted lots of friends, old & new, & when people don't get back to me or r Alwys too busy to get together, the pain is worse than if I'd just kept to myself.
So this is where I am & my desperation for connection & understanding has finally pushed me to finally post on an online site. It's easier for me to meet face to face & get out if the House instead of socializing online, but hopefully I can quickly get some rewarding experiences & feedback so tht Incan b motivated to keep connected thru this great website.
It'd b nice to get support for my depression anonymously thru a site like this instead of feeling ashamed & tht im a burden when expressing these feelings to family or friends.
A couple of wks ago for the first time in my life I researched the most painless ways to kill yrslf. Last night was the 2nd time in my life & I'm getting worried. Also, b/c last night I got validation for feeling this way when I read tht the suicide rate for women in the 40-60 age category has increased. That makes it more ok for me if I had to go thru w it. It's a good & bad thing to hv read tht. I know tht it wld destroy my family's life but I'm so sick of feelIng this way for so long. I need to hv real reasons for hope tht this is going to stop.
Well, for anyone reading this, thank u. I don't hv any friends in real life tht I cld write this much to--it seems I overwhelm people w so many words & emotions. So tht's y I've tried so hard to clam up over the yrs.
Thank u, V
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