My first journal entry
I sometimes wonder why everything has to happen at once?
I really don't think I can take one more thing.... I will just disenegrate.
In short:
1. My husband says he can't put a time limit on our seperation, doesn't want a divorce and still wants to act like we are friends and buddies which is hard not to do since he's my only friend in this town. So I"m not answering his texts and its killing me.
2. hooked up with my high school sweetheart, and after months of him treating me good, then flipping and treating me like dirt, I found out that he really never broke up with his long time girlfriend like he said. So she contacted me yesterday wanting to know if we seeing each other. I feel so terrible for her, and angry at him for being so evil and just hurting everyone.
3. I moved out of the old house I was taking care of for my dad and got my bills mixed up and every utility got turned off, so he's mad at me and I'm broke from moving. Him being upset with me probably upsets me more than anything in the world. I just had so much on my mind, everything got away from me.
4. Had to be a whistleblower at work, serious federal stuff and it makes me feel like crap. Whats gonna happen? My anxiety is all over the place. I can't talk anymore about that until something happens.
Its really hard to take care of yourself and start excercising and go on a diet when all I want to do is stay in bed. I dread it but I need to talk to the doc about adding an anti depressent to my cocktail. I'm just not coming out of this. I think about suicide everyday. Can;t do that till I pay him off. 80 dollars doesn't seem like much. But it its to me.
I really don't think I can take one more thing.... I will just disenegrate.
In short:
1. My husband says he can't put a time limit on our seperation, doesn't want a divorce and still wants to act like we are friends and buddies which is hard not to do since he's my only friend in this town. So I"m not answering his texts and its killing me.
2. hooked up with my high school sweetheart, and after months of him treating me good, then flipping and treating me like dirt, I found out that he really never broke up with his long time girlfriend like he said. So she contacted me yesterday wanting to know if we seeing each other. I feel so terrible for her, and angry at him for being so evil and just hurting everyone.
3. I moved out of the old house I was taking care of for my dad and got my bills mixed up and every utility got turned off, so he's mad at me and I'm broke from moving. Him being upset with me probably upsets me more than anything in the world. I just had so much on my mind, everything got away from me.
4. Had to be a whistleblower at work, serious federal stuff and it makes me feel like crap. Whats gonna happen? My anxiety is all over the place. I can't talk anymore about that until something happens.
Its really hard to take care of yourself and start excercising and go on a diet when all I want to do is stay in bed. I dread it but I need to talk to the doc about adding an anti depressent to my cocktail. I'm just not coming out of this. I think about suicide everyday. Can;t do that till I pay him off. 80 dollars doesn't seem like much. But it its to me.
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