My First Entry
Today is the first day I've decided to look at my husband's alcohol addiction and take my side in how I can contribute to making this better.
I have to remind myself what my husband deals with is a disease. I truly do believe this. He feels shame and regret in his heart the day after he drinks. We've talked about this multiple times and I know that this is not easy for him. Most of the time the drinking is sprung on him out of boredom, or because it is what he is used to.
What hurts the most is that I feel second to it. No matter how many times we have a discussion about it, and how bad he feels for his actions or what he did while he was drinking, he always goes back to it. I cannot wrap my brain around why the alcohol is more important. I want to try to understand but my logic will not allow me to, unfortunately.
I realize I have done things while he has been intoxicated that have not helped the situation. I've hid alcohol. I've pretended to drink with him so there would be less available for him. I've taken bottles away. I've cut him off. I've yelled. I've cried. Not matter what I do in those states to try and fix it, I need to realize I cannot fix it in those moments.
Instead, it's what I do when he is sober that I need to focus on. What is it that I can do for my husband when we are sober that will help him? I have always put my husband first but not I am realizing that part of his recovery will be dependent on me recovering myself and making sure I am not doing something that is going to enable him or drive him to his ultimate enemy.
I plan on today, being a better wife, and learning how to help myself, because at the end of the day I can only control me.
I have to remind myself what my husband deals with is a disease. I truly do believe this. He feels shame and regret in his heart the day after he drinks. We've talked about this multiple times and I know that this is not easy for him. Most of the time the drinking is sprung on him out of boredom, or because it is what he is used to.
What hurts the most is that I feel second to it. No matter how many times we have a discussion about it, and how bad he feels for his actions or what he did while he was drinking, he always goes back to it. I cannot wrap my brain around why the alcohol is more important. I want to try to understand but my logic will not allow me to, unfortunately.
I realize I have done things while he has been intoxicated that have not helped the situation. I've hid alcohol. I've pretended to drink with him so there would be less available for him. I've taken bottles away. I've cut him off. I've yelled. I've cried. Not matter what I do in those states to try and fix it, I need to realize I cannot fix it in those moments.
Instead, it's what I do when he is sober that I need to focus on. What is it that I can do for my husband when we are sober that will help him? I have always put my husband first but not I am realizing that part of his recovery will be dependent on me recovering myself and making sure I am not doing something that is going to enable him or drive him to his ultimate enemy.
I plan on today, being a better wife, and learning how to help myself, because at the end of the day I can only control me.
Replies
Sending you hugs. It is very difficult to do what is best in this situation. Journal a lot. It will help. Learn and study alcoholism AND codependency. I see that tendency in you. Talking about wanting to take care of him and make it easier on him. Don\'t let that side of you get too out of balance. This is his battle. Yours is keeping yourself emotionally healthy.