My First Entry
Hi. I kinda don't know how to start this. My name is Rissa, I'm going to be 28 next month, and I'm a survivor of physical, mental, and emotional abuse. My father killed himself when I was 13, but it was almost a relief because it got me away from my abuser, my stepbrother.
I have struggled with many things- Ana/Mia, cutting, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. Most days I can get through okay... but last week I almost checked myself into the hospital. I had missed my Prozac for a couple days and was paying the price. I started taking it again and I'm feeling a bit better.
My brain kinda recycles itself in a way. I was talking to Geo the other day (my hubby) and he mentioned "mustard." I looked at him funny. He said that we used to joke about mustard all the time. I have no memory of this, but he has no reason to lie to me. I just finished a book, Bag of Bones by Stephen King, that I had read a couple years ago but didn't remember. I picked up the book thinking I had never read it before, and couldn't remember the plot or how it ended. Same thing with movies and many other things.
I don't really struggle with cutting or ana/mia on a daily basis anymore, but they are still there. I think my brain has "overwritten" some of those thoughts to where they don't affect me as much anymore. I don't claim to have a cure to anything. My brain just "forgets" things, whether they are good (like Geo and I joking about mustard) or bad (how I used to not be able to survive a day without cutting). It's really disturbing how I can't remember these things... but I guess you have to take the good with the bad.
I have struggled with many things- Ana/Mia, cutting, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. Most days I can get through okay... but last week I almost checked myself into the hospital. I had missed my Prozac for a couple days and was paying the price. I started taking it again and I'm feeling a bit better.
My brain kinda recycles itself in a way. I was talking to Geo the other day (my hubby) and he mentioned "mustard." I looked at him funny. He said that we used to joke about mustard all the time. I have no memory of this, but he has no reason to lie to me. I just finished a book, Bag of Bones by Stephen King, that I had read a couple years ago but didn't remember. I picked up the book thinking I had never read it before, and couldn't remember the plot or how it ended. Same thing with movies and many other things.
I don't really struggle with cutting or ana/mia on a daily basis anymore, but they are still there. I think my brain has "overwritten" some of those thoughts to where they don't affect me as much anymore. I don't claim to have a cure to anything. My brain just "forgets" things, whether they are good (like Geo and I joking about mustard) or bad (how I used to not be able to survive a day without cutting). It's really disturbing how I can't remember these things... but I guess you have to take the good with the bad.
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