My first day of journaling

i am not sure where I am going to start. I guess I will start with the feeling of being alone. My children have always lived with me at some point. Even as they were adults. They are all finally on their own and most have their own families to take care of. Since last September I have been trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do now. I am self employed and work from home. So I am home way too much. One of the factors is my car is 16 years old and I hate driving it. I am going to see if I can get a new car tomorrow and hopefully start to feel a little more freedom. I have this issue with my homeowners association and yesterday really topped it off when they sent me a certified letter from the attorney stating I owe money when I don't. In Illinois they can take your house. I let this get to me and drank so much last night I made an idiot out of myself to my kids saying they don't care about me or the house. I just ordered a supplement that is supposed to surprise the urge to drink. I drink every day and have heard withdrawals can be dangerous so I want to taper. I was doing pretty good until last night. So today I am just in a fog right now as to what to do. I know it's not my children's problem and they hate when I drink so I have to work really hard at helping myself. I have a few friends but nobody that I would say is a special friend and I have trust issues with men so I just feel at a loss