My first day back to work

Today was my first day back to work. I know to some people that it seems so soon but I had my reasons. One of them being, today is one week since my angel Max was born and moved to heaven. I thought if I was working then it would take my mind off of things even if its just for a few hrs. He was born at 926 am. I was at work siting on the couch with one of the residents and I looked up at the clock. It was 934. I half smiled when I thought to myself that this exact time last week I was holding my beautiful son in my arms.I dont know why I smiled rather than cry. I guess it goes to show that for the short time that he was here with me, just the thought always made me smile.And even thou he is gone, he can still make me smile. My lil boy is just so wonderful to me when he was here and even when hes not. I was waiting for everyone to start saying things to me. One girl that I have on my facebook that already knew of what happened was the first. One of our residents has shingles and there is a note if u are preganant to call the office. I was the only on the house that that would have applied to, that is b4 he went away. Well she followed me in the laundy room and first thing out of her mouth was "You shouldnt be here. Edel has shingles and pregant people can't be around him". The point is I know she already knew that he was gone and she was trying to see how I would react. I broke down in tears. Hope she got the reaction she was looking for. she tried to act like she didnt know but I know she did cause she said something to a friend of mine rite after I lost him. I didnt feel like talking to anyone after that so I just stayed to myself for the morning and kept myself busy and away from everyone. She later left the house for an outing so I went back in the living room and sat down. One of the other staff came over and sat next to me. She asked me how I was doing because I barely spoke to anyone all morning. For everone that doesnt know me, Im a talker and never shut up. So me being quite is out of the norm for me.Anyhow I told her that I have had better days thats for sure. She asked me what happened and I told her it was a cord accident. I showed her my Max's pic. She said it was such a shame and was sorry for me. I thanked her. She then asked dont people normaly take time off after a miscarriage? I thought of what one of the other girls had posted on here when someone made the "miscarriage " comment to her so I knew just what to say. I told her I did take a lil time off but I wanted to work today to help take my mind off of things and sec I didnt have a miscarriage I delivered a stilborn. I know she was saying  it to be mean so I tried to say it as nice a possable to her. She really didnt know the difference between a miscarriage and a stillbirth so I had to explain it to her. I told her that I wasnt giving up and would maybe try again. She told me to just make sure I was healed before I try again and she said I dont mean just physiaclly u need to be emotionaly ready. I thanked her for advice. She asked what I did with all of his things. I already had everything needed and had his room almost put all together. I told her that rite after this happened I got so angry that I packed up most of it. then a few days later I was so sad and missed him so much I unpacked it all. I just feel like leting his things go is like leting him go and Im just not ready to let my sweet boy go yet. She said she understands and not to push it and take as long as I need. One of the male staff i think was so scared to say something wrong, that when I was around him he just kept rambling on about nothing. I couldnt figure out half the time if he was talking to me or to himself. He was making lunch for the residents in the kitchen and when I asked him what he was making he said greek wraps. He told me what was in them and then suggested I dont eat them cause Im pr.... and then he caught himself and looked at the ground and said again I just dont think ull like them. I actually felt a lil bad for him. Him and another male satff always picked on me and my baby belly and everytime they had to mop liquids off the floor they would start yelling my water broke. I guess it shows me that this effected not just me and family , but everyone who was there from day one. In a way they all got attached to my lil Max too. I guess it was an okay day. I imagined it would be a lot worse but maybe people just didnt think they should say anything to me rather than the wrong thing and I respect that.