My first big change and I feel sick!
It is 6 months now since my beautiful Colleen got her wings. My son is making arrangements for me to go and live with him (about 2 1/2 hours' drive from here). And I feel sick!
I'm grateful to be staying with him, but I'm also so sad to leave this place, where all Colleen's memories are. And her grave!! I am truly torn in two.
At the moment I'm sharing a house with my older daughter, whom I've been helping and supporting for the past 6 years. She has a lousy job with a small salary, but has been battling to find a better job. That's why she's studying through correspondance at the moment. I really want to go and live with my son, but I feel so guilty to leave my older daughter to stand on her own 2 feet. I've been praying non-stop for the Lord to help her find a better job. Last night I got the reassurance to go ahead with my plans, because the Lord is busy handling her problems now. This is huge!! Now I must stop worrying and rather stand in faith. This is a big test for me and Melany.
If all goes well, I should be moving by the end of March. I am so excited, but also quite anxious about the move. What about Melany and little Lee-Ann? And how can I move so far away from my sweet little angel, Colleen? I really feel torn in two.
I'm grateful to be staying with him, but I'm also so sad to leave this place, where all Colleen's memories are. And her grave!! I am truly torn in two.
At the moment I'm sharing a house with my older daughter, whom I've been helping and supporting for the past 6 years. She has a lousy job with a small salary, but has been battling to find a better job. That's why she's studying through correspondance at the moment. I really want to go and live with my son, but I feel so guilty to leave my older daughter to stand on her own 2 feet. I've been praying non-stop for the Lord to help her find a better job. Last night I got the reassurance to go ahead with my plans, because the Lord is busy handling her problems now. This is huge!! Now I must stop worrying and rather stand in faith. This is a big test for me and Melany.
If all goes well, I should be moving by the end of March. I am so excited, but also quite anxious about the move. What about Melany and little Lee-Ann? And how can I move so far away from my sweet little angel, Colleen? I really feel torn in two.
Replies
I wish I had some advice for you but I don\'t. I think a huge move like this is frightening for anyone. You\'re right: stand in faith. My philosophy: don\'t plan, be led. If things don\'t work well, you can return.
Though it\'s very difficult for you to make the move I believe it\'s the right thing to do. This will allow your older daughter to stand on her feet and care for herself, making her stronger in many ways. The move will also give you an opportunity to move on with your life to some extent. Though the distance will be 2-1/2 hrs from your current home, it\'s not so far you can\'t return to visit your angel Colleen from time to time, as well as visit your daughter. And with all the caregiving you have given over the years, it\'s time to allow someone, particularly your son, to care for you just a little.
In the end however, let your faith in God guide you in your decision.
Hugs & prayers, Dan
Hi my friend: I have been thinking about you and Colleen lately. First of all, you are physically moving but Colleen will always be with you, wherever you are. For some reason, Ryan is on my left shoulder along with his kitty, who passed away from grieving Ryan. Here is what is helping me...a little... positive thought for you - thank God that Colleen never had to experience the pain of her beloved mom passing away. She would not have understood what happened. My faith in God is what is helping me through this ordeal.. We were blessed to have two special children that God knew we could and would take care of. As much as this hurts us, it is better for them to be spared the pain of grieving for us. Colleen had the best mommy and she is always with you. Now maybe it is time to spend some time with your son and take a few deep breathes and know how wonderful and special you are. Nothing can ever take Colleen away from you..not a different state, place or person. She is yours for eternity! Remember, God is holding us and walking with us through this journey.
Loving hugs, Debbie
wherever you go,, Colleen is with you.... a 2 1/2 hour drive isn\'t too bad if you need to be at her grave.... love ya!
Of course you are feeling anxious as this is a big change. I am hopeful and prayerful that it will unfold in the best way that it can and as many of the moms remind me our children who have gone on before us are with us always wherever we are. That can bring some comfort knowing that yet leaving the familiar, the memories and others who we cherish and love does pull on one\'s heartstrings.
I\'m with you and following not very far behind with a similar situation of taking a leap of faith into the vast unknown so to speak and one thing that is helping me is to feel it all. If tears come I allow them, if anxiety creeps in I go with it, if excitement and some day dreaming is part of the process I find myself there too.
So... I\'m grateful that you are sharing this big life change and are trusting that it will be just what you need. Anxiety and excitement go hand in hand with these big life changes my friend. I\'m walking beside you with this one! :)
Loving care as you feel all that you need to and look forward to what lies ahead.
XO Joanie
Change is hard...but it doesn\'t mean it is a bad thing. I hope that the move is easier than you can imagine. I too believe that Colleen is where ever YOU are and this I know for sure...the memories move with you! Love and hugs...Karen