My first Angelversary

Well, the day has come and gone. I didn't go to the service his dad had planned. I didn't agree with some of the things done and sure didn't feel welcomed. I was having a conversation with my daughter Friday and my last comment to her, she didn't reply. I just figured she was getting her kids ready for school. Then I saw a post on Facebook that her phone was dead and she was at her granny's and forgot her charger. So I thought, fine, we'll cool down and finish it and work things out. But when I didn't hear from her anymore, or anybody for that matter, I just didn't feel welcomed. Since during our conversation, she had told me that since he was her brother and she had a say in his services and that she agreed with her daddy, I told her I wasn't going to go. And that was pretty much the end of our conversation. So I find out yesterday that she told everyone I wasn't coming. And not one person tried to call and talk to me about it. Yes, I guess I could have picked up the phone, but when you're made to feel unwelcome, how do you do that?? Her excuse is her daddy is not tech savvy and didn't have my phone number. Funny, I know he has a book with everyone's number, but he doesn't have mine? The man is 50 years old and can make meth, but can't program a phone number?? Maybe that sounds mean. I ran out of my Cymbalta last Thursday and the last two days I've been back to not sleeping and having nightmares and having the anxiety again. Been having dizzy spells and turns out I'm having all the side effects of going off the medicine. I looked through my medicine and came across a prescription I have for Celexa, so I'm going to try it. I can't afford to get the Cymbalta filled right now.
I had my own service Sunday. My husband got me a balloon and I taped one of his memorial cards on it with a note and my email address. My biggest wish for my son was to get off Shultz Road and see the world. But, like his dad, he was afraid. So now, he's floating high in the sky, I hope enjoying the ride.
Now all I see are pictures they have been posting on Facebook at the service. Comments being made. Talk about being thrown under the bus?!?! It's okay. I've got big shoulders. They don't even try to understand my pain. According to them, they hurt worse than me. So I'll face another day. I know in my heart I did what was right for me. I pray one day they understand.