my feelings dont matter

Its been along time since I've written in a journal about how i feel or anything so here I go.
 
I've never really given my disease much thought of how its affecting me on a daily basis. Perhaps that's why I quit taking my meds awhile ago. I was tired of always coughing up phlegm and feeling blah all the time. I always wished there was someone I could talk to about how I feel but there really isnt anyone who understands me or the way I feel at times. I have my good days and I have my bad days but you could never tell the difference because I never show my pain in front of anyone...not that anyone would care or even understand for that matter.
My adult children know I have MCTD but none have ever asked me what it is or anything about it for that matter. I sometimes wish that i could find someone who knows what and how I'm feeling so I wouldn't feel so alone with this disease and the affects on my body.