My Fear of Pregnancy

Well I have a fear of pregnancy. The reason that I have a fear of pregnancy is because while growing up, I was surrounded by a few married women who don't have children. I know a woman who has 2 daughters and since my mom is a negative person, she would despise that woman and sometimes she would compare me to that woman. I am afraid that if I have kids, then they may turn out to be "monsters" and I'd be that dumb parent. But sometimes when my mom would talk about that lady, I'd look at myself and feel like I am in that lady's footsteps. And when I think about not having kids, I'd look at other people who I know who do have kids and feel bad about myself. Sometimes I look at those women who I grew up with, and I would think "Could that be me in the future?" Growing up with those women and thinking about my future gives me a terror of pregnancy. 
Being how I am, how will I provide food and a good environment for my kids (if i have kids)? Would I get divorced by my husband because of the way I am? 
If I have a daughter, then what if she is a spitting image of me except smarter and happier and angry or embarrassed that she has a dumb, lazy mother? (me in the future) What if my husband is tired of me being his dumb and lazy wife just like how my mom thinks of my dad?
My parents are not divorced, but there were times where they would fight about family dynamics and my mom would fight about how my dad is irresponsible and lazy and my dad would fight about how my mom is overprotective and negative and "bullies" me by saying things that are not supportive and hurtful and it wouldn't help for me to be better... even BECOME better. There were also times where they'd get so angry at each other that they'd just say they're going to file papers for divorce but that never happened.
A big part of that really played a huge role that contributed to my self-destructive behavior. Sometimes it'd get to the point where I'd feel I'm being buried alive.