My Family
As I've written, I went through a big crisis Tuesday. I had no hope. But, I'm lucky that I have a very supportive family that I don't call on when I should. First, my cousin helped take care of Foxy realizing she'd be better off if she stayed in our house. Rikki, my cousin, came by three times a day to feed and take her out. She even made sure she had some milk bones. Her mother who is about 90 years old and in bad health came with her. My aunt took care of Foxy when I went through my bouts of mrsa, having to at first, bribe her with lunch meat to let her in. Rikki said that Foxy seemed to recognize my aunt and would stare at her and wouldn't do her thing until she came in the back yard with her. Rikki picked me up at the bus station last night and my aunt came with her. As soon as I got in the car, my aunt told me I needed a haircut, which I did(I'd gotten really shaggy.), and I told her I'd get one when I got some money. Well, she pulled out a $20 bill and told me to get one.(I did this morning.) She, then asked if I was hungry and I told her I'd eaten supper at the hospital before I left. She said she thought she'd buy me a Whataburger. Well, of all the hamburgers in the world, Whataburger is my favorite and I told her I couldn't resist. She had a coupon for buy one-get one free so we stopped and got 2 and an order of fries. Hamburger Heaven! Vickie, my little sister, spent yesterday in Waco helping with Foxy and trying to find out what had happened to me. She talked to MHMR, a local psychiatric hospital and the state hospital and couldn't get any information. When I got home I found a deposit receipt for a good amount of money laying on my phone! She'd found a deposit slip to use. My older sister, Sara, was able to contact met at MHMR when I was there, where the plans at the time were for me to stay in the local center. Those plans changed after the call when it was found they didn't have any beds and I had to go to the state hospital a hundred miles away. She, too, tried to contact me yesterday with no results. I called them both when I got home, leaving a message for Vickie. Sara said she, too, would be sending a check to help and made it clear that I was not to try this again. Vickie called me and chewed me out, with good reason and she, too, said I'd better not try it again and to call her if I have any further problems. She had come up with a good idea for me. She's going on vacation next week and wanted me to house sit. A friend of hers would take care of Foxy. She has a cat and no place for Foxy. It would have been heaven except for a couple of problems. It would mean leaving the house vacant. The last time I did that to visit Sara for a week, a couple of guys tried to break into the house. Plus, Foxy had been under enough stress and I didn't want to stress her out any more. As a little background of my relationship with my sisters, I took care of our mom in her later years living in her home. I cooked the meals,,cleaned the house,,did the laundry,,took care of the yard,,and took her wherever she needed to go since she couldn't drive. I drove her to the hospital where she died a few days later. I spent all my time off work at the hospital, making the decisions on her treatment. Neither of my sisters could have taken care of her and Mom would have had to be placed in a nursing home which would have shortened her life. Because of this, my sisters feel obligated to me. I don't agree with this and have told them so. They both have families to care for with Sara having to help her daughter who's going through chemotherapy. Vickie, the most forceful of the three of us, although the youngest, is having her daughter, a lawyer, draw up power of attorney papers so she can get information on me in time of crisis. And being the sneaky lil' sister she is, she had copies my my house key made for Rikki and her. With such a loving an supportive family, why did I contemplate suicide? I just didn't want to bother them. I'll be 65 years old next month. I should be able to stand on my own two feet.
Replies
NONE of us STAND alone -- and we need a good support system when we are ill or coping with too much. That is JUST human.
My knowing if I can\'t cope with what I am trying to survive that there is an \'exit plan\' brings me a feeling of relief when these challenges I face become too much to cope with. I then let go and simply focus on what I CAN do and if the end does come then so be it. This allows me to focus on life and whatever joy and happiness I have and there is a lot of goodness once I let go of what I can\'t do anything about. But I survive without support and I know with my health issues I may find it necessary to end my life and I simply accept that as a part of REALITY based on living in a society that does not care if Im dead or alive. The one church I belonged to declared me as dead already simply because they LOVE MONEY and saw me as poor. They even sent someone after my husband died to try to purchase my home at 10% of market value and tried to pressure me into selling my home by telling me I needed the money. They could not have cared less that I would then be homeless but they just saw me as some in serious need that they could exploit and pick up some real estate without hardly any investment. When I did not sell a group came back a week later and told me that my home was unsafe and needed to be condemned. They then told me that even though they were aware I was alone and seriously ill that because my home was unsafe they would not be able to return to help me. That was nine years ago now and I live better than some of those god lovers that left me for dead during a medical crisis.
It is interesting that they have kept the money I have given but tossed me and my unmet needs out into the garbage while claiming to love god it made me think, Ya, right you love god. They love money and worship self and those with wealth. If Jesus came to their front door with no place to lay his head as the poor carpenter he would be treated as they treat all such poor people and be tossed out in the garbage. But they love god.
I now approach life as one surviving a serious crisis and live very simply and cheaply. Life is now good because I live and accept REALITY.
Be gentle with yourself and live carefully.
((hugs)) Patricia
This big ole world was not created for us to stand alone Mr. Foxy\'s dad. Now ya know. I can feel the love and now you do too. Fantastic! Love, Linda xxxxx
Good for you, Mike, i\'m glad you did reach out for help, no matter how it happened. We all have problems in our lives, but what really matters is how we face the crisis when it happens. As long as you want me for a friend, i\'ll be here and I do listen. Sorry if i got on your case the other day, but sometimes a good shake up is what is needed (for both of us, lol). Take care my friend, you know you have a good support system out there. Hugs and kisses, Deb :o)
how lucky you are! what a great family. you\'re not a burden to them...you;\'re allowing them to share their love. if they needed help...adn you could...wouldnt you help them? it\'s just a thing of everyone does what they can...when they can. they love you and it\'s your job to accept it. then be thankful! glad things have worked out for you. take care and stay in contact wtih teh family! good luck to you!