My Ex and Our Daughter...
Sooooo as many as you know my ex wife left me 16 months ago for our daughters boyfriend's father. A piece of shit who has 4 kids with 4 different women and 3 of them wont speak to him. So back in Novemeber our daughter broke up with her boyfriend and he moved back to Hawaii. Since then she is moving on but he tries to contact her using friends phones, etc, she has him blocked but tries with new phones so she sees the 808 area code and blocks. He leaves voicemails but hes already hooked up with someone else there but wants to keep K on his string.
Anyway to my issue that I want to get down here because Im not gonna contact my ex so I need to get this out of my system. My ex contacts K today (our daughter) to let her know K's ex boyfriends sister is here in town from Hawaii and she wants K to come over to meet her! Of course because my ex "J" is with her father she thinks they can all get together or some shit. K let her know immediately she has no intention of meeting her ex's family and wants nothing to do with that drama. J blew up at her and said no one cares about HER happiness! K is 18. Actually 18 1/2. She can make her own mind up who the hell she wants to hang out with. Her mom left her for her boyfriends dad. So her mom blows up, claims no one cares about her happiness...and then tells her she will just mail her the Thank You cards they were gonna fill out together for K's grad gifts...! She then tells K "since you and your dad (me) are besties he can fill them out with you"...this woman is 47 years old. She is delusional. I am not my daughters Bestie, I am her dad. I make sure she has a roof over her head, food in the fridge, hot water for showers, cable tv, power for appliances...etc etc..We are not Besties. She then texted K to tell her Me and My Brother never treated OUR mom like this....MY MOM WAS DUMPED BY MY DAD!!! FOR HIS FLING!! In the 24 years i was with my ex you can count on one hand how many times I went to my dads house! This argument is just loony. Of course we were closer to our mom, we lived with her and she did her best to keep what was left of the family intact!
Anyway I was itching to blow up at my ex but im not going to. Screw her. I explained to K her mom is being childish. Im not going to engage her in her delusiional thought process, it just gives me a migraine. My ex hasnt worked in a year and would have problems buying the stamps anyways.
Take care everyone, Happy Fourth! K and I are going to her brothers for a fun weekend. He doesnt talk to his mother at all. She can live with her choices.
Anyway to my issue that I want to get down here because Im not gonna contact my ex so I need to get this out of my system. My ex contacts K today (our daughter) to let her know K's ex boyfriends sister is here in town from Hawaii and she wants K to come over to meet her! Of course because my ex "J" is with her father she thinks they can all get together or some shit. K let her know immediately she has no intention of meeting her ex's family and wants nothing to do with that drama. J blew up at her and said no one cares about HER happiness! K is 18. Actually 18 1/2. She can make her own mind up who the hell she wants to hang out with. Her mom left her for her boyfriends dad. So her mom blows up, claims no one cares about her happiness...and then tells her she will just mail her the Thank You cards they were gonna fill out together for K's grad gifts...! She then tells K "since you and your dad (me) are besties he can fill them out with you"...this woman is 47 years old. She is delusional. I am not my daughters Bestie, I am her dad. I make sure she has a roof over her head, food in the fridge, hot water for showers, cable tv, power for appliances...etc etc..We are not Besties. She then texted K to tell her Me and My Brother never treated OUR mom like this....MY MOM WAS DUMPED BY MY DAD!!! FOR HIS FLING!! In the 24 years i was with my ex you can count on one hand how many times I went to my dads house! This argument is just loony. Of course we were closer to our mom, we lived with her and she did her best to keep what was left of the family intact!
Anyway I was itching to blow up at my ex but im not going to. Screw her. I explained to K her mom is being childish. Im not going to engage her in her delusiional thought process, it just gives me a migraine. My ex hasnt worked in a year and would have problems buying the stamps anyways.
Take care everyone, Happy Fourth! K and I are going to her brothers for a fun weekend. He doesnt talk to his mother at all. She can live with her choices.
Replies
So glad your Kids know and are there for you. Great job to not respond. Have a great 4th with whose most important.
I am so sorry that your ex continues to drag you and K through her drama. You are a terrific father who has clearly raised a smart young woman. Have a very happy 4th!
Sorry to hear this, But it sounds like your daughter is a smart woman. Remember happiness is the best revenge not engaging in arguments.
My STBX is still dragging mine out. almost a year now and we have no kids together, and she totally ruined my relationship with her kids forever. We had a what seemed to be a simple divorce with a prenup and should have been done in 6 weeks. But almost a year later she drags it on. She has no idea the cost she will pay when it is over.
http://shrink4men.com/2011/04/25/why-high-conflict-and-abusive-personality-disordered-women-drag-out-the-divorce-process/
Hey buddy, sorry to hear she is still giving you grief. All you can do is continue to put her out of your life as much as possible. Terrible thing she did dumping you for the boyfriend\'s father - what a piece of work she is. Your daughter has her head screwed on right my friend, that should make you very proud. Happy fourth of July my friend.
First....thank you for the up-date!
Second...Thank God you are the parent you are! You are handling this like an adult should as you keep you daughters best interests as your main priority. You know, my counselor told me that statistically, as long as a child has one stable, reasonable parent, as you are, they will be ok. So I applaud you for keeping your cool and raising your daughter with dignity, rationality, and acceptance.
Now....as for you ex. HOW DARE SHE!!! What is she thinking talking to her own daughter in such a way! What...is she 4?!? This is not a game and she is acting like a spoiled brat! I really think she has some serious mental issues that have emerged and the less contact K has with her the better.
I know that I have told you about my 18 1/2 year old daughter who wrote and email to her \"father\" when she was 14, telling him she wanted no contact with him because it is not good for her. This was the best thing she could have done for herself since she is thriving in his absence. My poor 17 year old son, who does not have this strength....was not able to do this but wishes he could. He is suffering greatly as his \"father\" fills his head with terrible things that are doing him a lot of damage. He has said that when he is 18 though, he thinks he will try to see him only on occasions since he is so traumatized by this \"man\".
Of course it is K\'s choice whether she have contact with her \"mother\". But you may want to mention what my daughter did as it seems any exposure to the ex is traumatic and hurtful. I say this with great caution since this is such a big decision....and only K can make this decision. But what her mother does and says is so self-serving, manipulative, insane, and just plain cruel.
My dear friend....I am in awe of you! Your love of your daughter is so apparent. You ability to stand tall and do the right thing is amazing. And I just wish there were more men/fathers out there like you. You are one in a million!
Thanks everyone for your support. I can say it\'s getting easier this breakup, the more time goes by. I\'m actually starting to enjoy just being single. 24 years with someone else takes time getting over but I am light years ahead where I was. I really only get pissed when this crap affects our daughter.
Way to take the high road Coop. As hard as it is not to react, some things are better left alone. Your daughter is doing great (thanks to her super dad) and sounds like she has her head together and is able to think for herself. She knows you have her back, no need to get involved unless she wants you involved. You done good dad :) Being the strong, silent parent will pay off, sounds like it already has.
During my first divorce my ex tried to pull all kinds of crap with my kids, I sat back and just watched knowing he was just hurting his relationship with his kids and he did. So good job in just letting it go and be so thankful you don\'t have to deal with your ex on a daily basis.
I\'m glad you\'re doing so well Coop, it\'s nice to hear from you. Hugs!!!
Thanks Pam! It\'s really enlightening to just sit back and watch the their true selves emerge. Causing our daughter to cry and then to continue with her text barrage was just deplorable. Hats off to my daughter she just didn\'t respond. I\'m sure my ex was fuming like a rocket ready for take off lol! Take care!
First,
Coop... is your ex in the 6th grade or the 7th? Just curious.
Second,
Good for you for not responding to her childish, ridiculous rant. Good grief almighty. I\'m so proud of K for standing up to your ex and telling her she wants NO PART of her ex\'s family or the dang drama! Speaking of light years, K is light years ahead of her mother in the maturity department, that\'s for sure. You\'ve done a great job, you are a great father and I know you are so proud of your kids and they know what their mom is all about and they are making the smart choices concerning her .
you and K have a great time at your son\'s on the 4th! I\'ll be in Atlanta helping Chase move out of Robby\'s condo into an apartment. Wanna trade places? lol
Big hugs !!
G
\"Nobody cares about HER happiness\". Poor gal, she\'s so happy she can\'t understand why nobody wants to come watch her be happy. I\'m sorry your daughter has to deal with this. I hope you all have an unforgettable weekend.
I love how you handled this.. your a great example to many of us.. including your daughter!.. Its horrible to have your ex trying to pull her into this.. but as you said.. thats her being childish.. water under the bridge.. let her burn her own candle til it fizzes out.. good game plan :)
Kudos to you and your daughter for ignoring your ex\'s childish antics. No wonder your son doesn\'t speak to her. Have a wonderful weekend and continue to give your ex the attention she deserves - NONE!!!
Thanks everyone for your support...really means a lot.!
Have a safe fourth and strive for happiness :)
Coop
wow, talk about drama. That woman needs to be told to back off. Your daughter is doing the right thing. My daughter was so angry with her father and his family that she got a restraining order against them. Your daughter is one smart cookie. If it gets too much for her, she should get a restraining order too. My ex knows better than to bother me and that includes his whole family. Happy Fourth, my friend. Happiness and living in peace is our best revenge
Sadly, cheaters only focus on themselves. Thank goodness your daughter has you as a responsible parent. Good job taking the high road. You can\'t reason with someone so dumb.