MY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY!!!
WHAT ANOTHER STRESSFUL DAY IN MY LIFE!! IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY ON MONDAY JUNE 30TH, IT STARTED OUT AS MOST OF MY BIRTHDAYS QUIET. AS THE DAY WENT ON NUMEROUS FRIENDS AND FAMILY (SOME OF THEM) PH TO WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. THEN MY MOM (WHICH HER AND I HAVEN'T SPOKE TO IN A WHILE, TOO MUCH PAINFUL THINGS) CALLED AND ASKED TO TAKE ME AND TERRY OUT FOR SUPPER, FOR MY B-DAY. WELL, I ENDED UP BEING VERY STRESSED OUT AT EVEN THE THOUGHT OF GOING OUT FOR DINNER WITH HER, AS WE ALWAYS SEEM TO GET INTO ARGUMENTS OVER THE PH. SHE HAS HER ONE FAVOURITE DAUGHTER AND IT AIN'T ME. DO YOU GET THE PICTURE YET?? LOL YA, RIGHT, I MAY LAUGH ON THE OUTSIDE BUT I HAVE A VERY BROKEN HEART AND MANY TEARS TO SHOW IT!! I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS STORY LONG, AS I USUALLY DO, SORRY FRIENDS. ANYWAY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, WE DIDN'T GO. THEN YESTERDAY SHE WANTED TO TRY AGAIN AND THEN MY DAD GOT SICK AND HAD TO BE TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL. HE IS OK. NOW, IT IS WED. A PH CALL AGAIN MISSED IT, SO , A MESSAGE THAT WE WILL BE GOING TONITE AT 5:00PM. I STILL HADN'T DECIDED WHETHER I REALLY COULD FACE HER AS WITH THE STRESS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP AND ALL THAT HAD GONE ON, WAY TOOO LONG OF A STORY. BUT SHE DID HAVE OUR GRANDDAUGHTER OVER THIS WEEK AS MY DAUGHTER CRYSTAL, WELL SHE HAS BEEN ANGRY AT THE WORLD FOR MANY YEARS, AND OF COURSE THE ANGER IS DIRECTED AT ME, WHY NOT??? ANOTHER LONG STORY, SO TERRY AND I DECIDED WE WOULD GO IF SAVANNAH IS COMING ALSO. AS MY DAUGHTER CRYSTAL HAS A HUGE MAD ON FOR ME AND WON'T LET US SEE OUR PRECIOUS GRANDCHILDREN!! SHE HAS DONE THIS IN THE PAST AND WE WERE NOT ABLE TO SEE THEM FOR OVER A YEAR!! WE WERE CRUSHED, AND SO WAS SAVANNAH, WE AND HER WELL, THERE IS A STRONG BOND AND ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD TOWARDS HER AND SHE TOWARDS US!! ANYHOW, WE FINALLY CONNECTED, MY MOM AND I, AND WE HAD HEARD THAT WE WERE ABLE TO SEE SAVANNAH AT DINNER!!! YAY!! THANKYOU LORD!! WE CRIED IN JOY. THEN, THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED............. MY DAUGHTER CRYSTAL PH ME AFTER I HAD TALKED TO MY MOM RE: SUPPER FOR MY B-DAY. MMMMMMMMM, LETS' JUST SAY I HAVE NEVER BEEN TALKED TO WITH SUCH LACK OF RESPECT AND DISTURBING WORDS AND ACCUSATIONS IN MY LIFE!! SHE JUST HATES ME AND SHE TOLD ME SO, OVER WHAT?? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS?? AFTER THE ABUSE I HAD TAKEN AND TRIED TO DEFEND MYSELF, WELL, I WAS SCREAMED AT TO TELL ME THAT NO SAVANNAH IS NOT GOING TO MY BIRTHDAY SUPPER, WITH TERRY AND I AND MY MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS CRUSHED ABOUT EVERY THING THAT HAD HAPPENED TODAY!! SOOO, DEEPLY EMOTIONALLY AND EVEN PHYSICALLY IN BODY PAIN FROM ALL THE STRESS AND MY FM WELL WE ALL CAN RELATE TO STRESS AND FIBRO, RIGHT??? AFTER I TRIED TO COMPOSE MYSELF, I PH. BACK TO MY MOM AND EXPLAINED ALL OF MY FEELINGS THAT I WAS TOOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO GO OUT WITH HER AND TERRY WAS TOO! I THEN SPOKE TO SAVANNAH BY THIS TIME I WAS CRYING SOOO HARD, AND SHE JUST CAME ON THE PH. I COULDN'T HOLD THE FEELINGS IN, I KNOW THAT IT ISN'T RIGHT TO BE SOOO UPSET AND CRYING SOOO HARD I TRIED TO TELL MY GRANDDAUGHTER THAT I GUESS SHE COULDN'T COME AND THAT I LOVE HER SOOOO VERY MUCH AND IF I DON'T GET A CHANCE TO SEE HER FOR A WHILE THAT I TRULY AM THINKING OF HER EACH AND EVERY DAY, AND WILL MISS HER DEEPLY, IT TRULY CUTS LIKE A KNIFE, VERY TRUE!! THEN, TERRY CAME THROUGH THE DOOR AND SEEN AND HEARD ME TALKING AND EXPLAINING TO SAVANNAH THAT THERE WERE SOME PROBLEMS AND HER MOM WAS ANGRY WITH GRAMMA. I HANDED THE PH TO HIM AS I COULDN'T EVEN TALK WITH THE CHOKED UP THROAT AND TEARS STREAMING HARD ON MY FACE AND CHIN. WELL, HE GOT ON AND TRIED TO TALK ALSO AND EXPLAIN TO SAVANNAH AND MY POOR DEAR LOVING, KIND HUSBAND, JUST BROKE DOWN ALSO AND ENDED UP CRYING TO SAVANNAH ALSO!! HE SAID BASICALLY TO SAVANNAH THE SAME THAT I HAD, THAT HE LOVES HER FOREVER AND WE WILL MISS HER SOOOO VERY MUCH AND ANY TIME SHE CAN (AND I KNOW HER MOM WON'T LET HER) TO TRY AND PH. US TO TALK. WELL, TERRY WAS CRUSHED LIKE A KNIFE HAD WENT THROUGH HIS HEART!!! WE TRIED TO CALM DOWN AND SAID GOOD BYE AND OUR I LOVE YOU'S, SOOO MANY TIMES TO SAVANNAH SHE WILL NEVER FORGET US AND HOPEFULLY UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS NOT US CHOOSING NOT TO SEE HER IT IS PROBLEMS WITH HER MOM AND I!!! AFTER, ALL OF THIS SEVERE STRESS AND EMOTION, THAT DOES NOT JUST GO AWAY, I HAD THE MOST SEVERE MIGRAINE AND STILL DO 8HRS. LATER, AND MY FM PAIN WOW!!!! I CAN'T HANDLE IT, I HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF BED ALL DAY SINCE THIS TERRIBLY SAD EVENT. FALLING INTO AND OUT OF SLEEP AND NITEMARES, ONE AFTER ANOTHER!! THIS HAS STARTED ALL BECAUSE OF MY BIRTHDAY SUPPER OFFER!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT ONE??? DEVASTATING I THINK AND OUTRIGHT CRUEL!!! WELL, CRYSTAL WILL ALWAYS BE MAD AT ME AS SHE HAS BEEN FOR SOOO MANY YEARS FOR REASONS THAT WERE SOLVED AND JUST BECAUSE???? SHE HAS DISOWNED ME AS A MOTHER AND HAS TOLD ME THIS ALONG TIME AGO, THE ONLY REASON WE TRIED SOOOO DAMN HARD TO GET ALONG WITH HER IS TO SEE OUR TWO PRECIOUS GRANDCHILDREN!!!! BUT I AM THROUGH WITH THIS SENSELESS MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE TO MY ALREADY PAINFUL BODY!!! I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE HAS DIED, A PART OF ME IS NUMB AND SOOO VERY SAD, A TREMENDOUS LOSS FOR TWO PEOPLE, ACTUALLY THREE SAVANNAH HAS LOST ALSO, A GREAT LOVE WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE AT A DISTANCE. I NEED A KLEENEX.
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